Tip of the ballcap to Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer for sending the following. Sure, Kevin only hates the Phanatic because he’s a Mets fan and hates all things Phillies related, but it’s a real hatred that is shared by many who are not even Mets fans. So, Major League Baseball players, WTF?! How come all of you aren’t trying to take this bastard out? And if you are all trying to take him out, WTF?! How come you haven’t been more successful?!

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Tip of the ballcap to Tom Van Baren, second year owner of Should'a Been Umps, who forwarded this e-mail to us a while back. Thanks, Tom!

Disaster: This Amazing Photo Shows The Details

The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft. It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.

One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.

Probably scared the sh*t out of them!

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The whole Hall-of-Fame Death Pool, it can be fun, but it’s not a daily fun. We just don’t give it a lot of thought most of the season since HOFers rarely die. Certainly not often enough. But then, BOOM, out of nowhere and unexpectedly, we here at the SLPL Blog start getting a wave of e-mails that an HOFer is either on his deathbed or has died. And it does our hearts good to know that SLPL owners think of us first when a Hall-of-Famer is, or is about to be, worm food. Really, it just makes us smile and smile and smile.

Anyway, the latest HOFer on the Getting Closer to Room Temperature list is former Twins great Harmon Killebrew, who appears to be cashing in his chips. The first we heard about Killebrew’s ultimate exclamation of “Uncle!” came to us at 10:46 am yesterday via ScootTucky Plow owner Scott Allen, who wrote:

Harmon Killebrew is on his death bed.... at hospice care. Can we get a death watch countdown and who may possibly win?

At 12:43 Kirby Puckett's Good Eye owner Brandon Olivarria checked in with the following:

Harmon Killebrew. Ohhhhh man I know your following this pretty close!

Then, at 1:20, Guzzlyn Suds owner Steve McNelley sent us this:

How does Kevin [Klinkhamer] have Harmon Killebrew...WTF!?

We responded to Steve with the following:

I know, right? Worse than that, no one but Klinkhamer's have him ... and Dan [Klinkhamer] has him TWICE!

To which Steve, at 1:50, sent us the following:

FROM THE DESK OF GUZZLYN SUDS

The Guzzlyn Suds would like to submit a formal request for further inquiry into the health and well-being of Harmon Killebrew and possible foul play from St. Charles' finest. It seems fishy to me that the only owners that have Harmon on their HOF Death Pool Roster are named Klinkhamer. It is obvious that Dan is the leader of this pack because he selected Harmon twice, however he has chosen to keep it in the family (must be a message to Jim and Julie) and allow Kevin and Sue to share in the wealth.

I am sure the Killebrew family has notified the local authorities of the suspicious activity--but as an unsuccessful veteran owner in the SLPL who wishes to uphold the integrity of this league, I demand an investigation before it's too late!

With little pride,

Guzzlyn Suds Ownership

At 2:49, the Klinkhamer matriarch Sue, owner of This Is Gonna Get Uggla, quashed all speculation of wrongdoing with the following:

Hello boys,

I think we were alerted to Killebrew cancer at the time the lineups were due. Kevin mentioned it to me and I put him down and I also made up Dan's HOF lineup. In fac,t I put him in place of Joe Morgan, finally realizing that Joe Morgan was not going to die just because I wanted him to. I didn't think Killebrew would go so fast (and he is not dead ... YET) but everyone knew he had cancer if they would choose to READ A PAPER.

xoxo

Sue

Thanks to all you fine owners who kept us abreast of Killebrew’s impending demise. (Special thanks to Pathetics owner Ray Jasutis for sending us the story link.) We look forward to putting some points on the HOF Death Pool board. And remember, we are your go-to people to notify when you hear that an HOFer is about to kick the bucket!

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Tip of the ballcap to Detroit Tiger Blood owner Joe Kelly, who sent us this little gem, saying: “Anything poking fun at LaRussa is worth sending your way.” Thanks, Joe!

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After a lightening-fast trip to New York City, we here at the SLPL Blog are thinking about how lucky we are to have friends who occasionally send us blog fodder. On days like these, it’s great not to have to think. It’s nice to just able to sit back and relax and let someone else do the work for us.

To that end, tip of the ballcap to league friend Missy, who sends us this little gem noting, simply, “oi vey!” Yeah, no kidding.

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Just because we love good snark:

And tip of the ballcap to league friend Missy, who posted this up to her Facebook page:

That is all.

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Tip of the ballcap to league friend Missy, who shared this video with us along with this message: “I know this is the wrong sport, but otherwise perfect for your blog. Never have liked the dude, but of all the things to cry about! Geesch. I wonder if he cries over his own commercials. Sob, sniff, gasp, ‘It’s so touching, but they messed up my eye liner in that shot!’ ” Oh, snap!

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Joe Kelly’s Detroit Tiger Blood is back in 1st in the Overall Standings as Brandon Olivarria’s Kirby Puckett's Good Eye dropped to 2nd after last night’s action. Only one point separates the two teams.

I don’t know if you caught yesterday’s update about Brandon’s team name karma, but now we’re getting a little spooked by SLPL leaders and eye injuries. Tip of the ballcap to Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer for pointing us to this photo of Joe, who recently posted the following to Facebook:

Is Brandon’s Team Name Karma Rubbing Off On Joe?

According to Joe, he ran into an elbow and had to get four stitches. It’s not as gaping as Brandon’s gash, but it still doesn’t look pleasant.

All this left-eye injury stuff has us wondering if perhaps Brandon’s eye karma is rubbing off on other league leaders. Just to be safe, Julie Pankoke, owner of Bauer’s Bandits and league leader for the first 13 days of the season, might want to consider picking up a pair of these.

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Tip of the ballcap to Detroit Tiger Blood owner Joe Kelly, who passed along this bit of news regarding a recent aeronautic incident that could have cost the lives of four St. Louis Cardinals pitchers all at once. WTF?! As Joe said, “I think this is some sort of sign or warning.” But it did get us here at the Santa Lechuga Power League, who run the only known Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool, thinking about what might have been had that incident lead to the death of four pitchers in a single incident.

Our First Thoughts

WTF?! I mean, seriously, WTF?! This is a scenario we had simply never considered. In the past, Cardinals pitchers died one at a time, then the organization ghoulishly paraded the jersey of the most recently killed pitcher around the world until the deceased’s jersey logged more airtime on Fox Sports broadcasts than the actual baseball games they were covering. But if four pitchers went down at once? Schmoly! The Cardinals would have to hire a small army of people to carry four jerseys around to all the ballparks. Fox Sports would have to secure extra cameraman just to give each jersey all the coverage it deserved. Baskets of onions would have to be placed in the booth just to make sure Joe Buck generated the requisite number of tears during each game as the camera slowly panned across the four jerseys in between every pitch of the game. When Fox was covering a game that didn’t include the Cardinals (fat chance, that), it would need to keep breaking in to its current broadcast to give viewers an update on where the jerseys were and where they were hanging. Fox Sports St. Louis would have to create a Fox Sports St. Louis 2, a 24-hour station devoted to broadcasting weepy, maudlin memories of all deceased Cardinals pitchers, with special prime-time reports on the most recently deceased.

Our Second Thoughts

The implications on the SLPL are interesting and confusing to consider. Eighteen teams have one of those pitchers on their Death Watch Pool rosters. Given that all four pitchers would have died at the same time, and given that our rule language says the pot will be awarded to the owner “who identifies the next Creepy Cardinal pitcher to die,” we have to assume we would have to split the $800 across those four pitchers, meaning $200 per pitcher. So, four $200 payouts.

Four teams have Mitchell Boggs, which means that the Magic Number comes into play to break the tie. Since the date of hypothetical death was Thursday the 7th, the Magic Number is 7. Of those four Boggs teams, none had the Magic Number 7, so we have to look at the next closest Magic Number. Susie Rochellle, owner of The Insiders, has the Magic Number 13, the closest Magic Number. Since Susie has participated in the Death Pool in at least two consecutive seasons, she would win the entire $200.

Frank Sumrall’s Speaking Frankly would have won the pot for Ryan Franklin with the Magic Number 8, but since this is the first year his team has been in the league, he would only be eligible to win $100.

Of the five teams with Kyle Loshe, Kevin Klinkhamer’s Dongwhipped, with the Magic Number 5, would have won. By participating each season since the genesis of the Death Watch Pool in 2008, Kevin would have been eligible to win the full $200.

Finally, of the five Trever Miller teams, two -- Tucker Vasquez’s 1 Bad Mother Tucker and Ed Gross’ No Yanks Allowed -- had Magic Number 4, the closest to the date of death, which means they would both win $100.

Each of these teams would be available to collect the relevant “bumps,” though none would have qualified. The first potential bump, $50, has to do with the Magic Number matching the date of death. Since none of the winners had Magic Number 7, no bump.

The second bump, the $25 “Kile Bump,” has to do with the death occurring on the day of a scheduled start, before the game. Since this was presumably an off-day for the Cardinals, no bump.

The final bump, the $100 “You Lucky Sonuvabidge Bump,” has do to with dying on the field of play. Since this was an airplane incident, no bump there.

Our Final Thoughts

This has been an interesting thought experiment. Though I cringe in horror at the thought of four pitchers in their prime of their careers dying in an air disaster, the cringe-factor goes exponential when I think of how the Cardinals would endlessly parade those damn jerseys around and when I think about the potential gloopy and maudlin treatment of those deaths by Fox Sports. We are happy the air incident didn’t lead to the deaths of four pitchers, but we’re sickened by what might have been.

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Commissioner Rube Furrow and Vice President of Some Sort Pedregoso Rios welcome potential new owners and give an overview of the Santa Lechuga Power League, the best damn fantasy baseball league in the world (because we said it is). In the outtakes, which begin at 8:03, Rube talks in third person about Rube, then describes his inspiration for starting the league.

Tip of the ballcap to longtime owner Kevin Klinkhamer for inspiring Pedregoso’s bad-a** hat positioning. Word up!

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