League Info

Sunday Morning WTF?! What's The Story

10/30/11 09:11 AM

Given that we will award the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool at the beginning of next season, the SLPL Blog will not shut down now that the 2011 postseason is over. Instead, we will post an update every now and then over the next five months. We will for sure update the blog if there are any quality HOF deaths. That’s a given. But we will also likely post up as things tickle our fancy, most likely for the fan favorite Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Like, for instance, today.

We stumbled across the following on Imgur under the title “There has GOT to be an amazing story behind this.” No kidding. The more you study this photo, the more Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! it becomes. The guy on the stretcher is interesting enough, but I especially like the Ooompa Loompa in the foreground and the hugging bunnies in the back. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Halloween party organizer? I mean, serious, WTF?!

Brandon Olivarria Crowned 2011 SLPL Champ!!!

10/29/11 10:20 AM

The Santa Lechuga Power League crowned Brandon Olivarria, owner of the awesomely-named team Kirby Puckett's Good Eye, the 2011 Overall Champ Friday night. "Seriously?!? How the hell did this happen?" Brandon asked after the St. Louis Cardinals mercifully put the Texas Rangers out of their misery in the 7th game of the World Series. “Going into the post-season, I was in 12th-fricken place Overall and in 4th place in the Radicchio Division ... and today I'm the king of the hill. I still can't fathom it."

Brandon won $505 for being crowned champ, but the win is even sweeter because he took the trail his father Mark Olivarria blazed in 2008 by coming from behind to win it all, thereby making Mark and Brandon the first father-son combo to have won the Overall Championship. Sadly, Mark didn't participate in the SLPL this season, but we're hoping to get him back next year so the two champs can go head-to-head.

Brandon with father Mark: SLPL’s First Father-Son Champs
(Click to enlargenate)

Sweeter still, Brandon's good friend David Adrian, owner of Can I Lincecum in You, was crowned Playoff Champ and will scrape $150 out of The Pot. And because Overall and Regular Season champs can't win monies from any other championships they won, Brandon's Overall win puts another $150 into Dave's pockets for coming in 2nd place in the Power-Hitting Pitchers standings.

Here are all the official champs and payouts for the 2011 season:

2011 Champs

End-of-Season Champs
Brandon Olivarria, Kirby Puckett's Good Eye - Overall Champ
David Adrian, Can I Lincecum in You* - Playoff Champ

Regular Season Champs
Rick Coppock, Highlanders - Arugula Division Champ
Bill Cunning, Full Circuits - Crisphead Division Champ
Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers - Endive Division Champ
Vince Livernois, The Blaming Flips - Frisee Division Champ
Dan Klinkhamer, This League Really Blows - Radicchio Division Champ
Jim Cummings, Washington Bullets - Romaine Division Champ
Scott Allen, ScootTucky Plow - Spinach Division Champ
Joe Kelly, Detroit Tiger Blood - Swiss Chard Division Champ
Bill Cunning, Full Circuits - Hitting Champ
Brandon Olivarria, Kirby Puckett's Good Eye - Pitching Champ
Brandon Olivarria, Kirby Puckett's Good Eye - Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ
Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers - Regular Season Champ

All-Star Champ
Scott Allen, ScootTucky Plow - All-Star Champ

2011 Payouts

$505 - Brandon Olivarria, Kirby Puckett's Good Eye - Overall Champ
$505 - Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers - Regular Season Champ

$300 - David Adrian, Can I Lincecum in You* - Playoff Champ + 2nd place Power-Hitting Pitchers standings

$275 - Bill Cunning, Full Circuits - Hitting Champ + Crisphead Division Champ
$275 - Joe Kelly, Detroit Tiger Blood - Swiss Chard Division Champ + 2nd place Pitching standings
$275 - Scott Allen, ScootTucky Plow - All-Star Champ + Spinach Division Champ

$125 - Rick Coppock, Highlanders - Arugula Division Champ
$125 - Joe Livernois, Moammar Camacho's - 2nd place Endive Division standings
$125 - Vince Livernois, The Blaming Flips - Frisee Division Champ
$125 - Dan Klinkhamer, This League Really Blows - Radicchio Division Champ
$125 - Jim Cummings, Washington Bullets - Romaine Division Champ

*Against our better judgement -- and, really, the better judgement of the vast majority of mankind -- we have revealed David Adrian’s team in this article. David forced our hands by asking his lawyers to contact us regarding potential legal actions should we fail to officially and publicly name his team as per Paragraph 27.7 in the league ownership bylaws which say that "league champs must be given full recognition upon their win." With our league attorney Manny Samarosa nursing a post-championship hangover of epic proportions -- word is, the doctors in the ER pumped Manny stomach three times and are now considering a blood transfusion to bring his blood alcohol level under .5 -- we have not been able to get a legal opinion on the matter. As a result, we have complied here … but we hope to never have to see or type the name ever again.

Don't forget, there's still one payout to be made for the 2011 season. If you'll scratch your synapses, the league decided at the beginning of the season to extend our Hall-of-Fame Death Pool for each season until the beginning of the next season. This means that we will start next season by handing out a check to our final 2011 winner. Dan Klinkhamer's This League Really Blows currently leads the Death Pool, but we're hoping to catch a few more quality HOF deaths between now and the beginning of next season.

Congrats again to Brandon Olivarria and his Kirby Puckett's Good Eye and to all our 2011 champs and money winners. And thanks to all of you for joining us for a most-excellent season! We look forward to seeing you all next year.

Pedregoso

P.S. If you haven't paid your ownership and trade fees, get on it already! We need to cut some championship checks! (Check Who Owes What to see what you owe. And if you've already paid and we haven't noted it, please let us know.) Send your check to:

Joe Livernois
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907

If it's more convenient, you can pay your derelict debt using PayPal.

P.P.S. IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL WINNERS: Please respond with your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check.

Wow. Just Wow. Times 3.

10/28/11 10:25 AM

Wow. Just wow.

Speaking of wow, WOW! Brandon Olivarria, owner of Kirby Puckett's Good Eye -- easily the best team name of the 2011 season -- may soon be crowned the best team of the 2011 season. Scoring points off of three of four SLPL home runs hit in last night’s previously mentioned wow-worthy 6th game of the World Series, Brandon leapfrogged over Frank Sumrall’s Speaking Frankly and Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers to take over 1st place in the Overall standings.

Further wow over the fact that Dave Adrian’s [Team That Cannot Be Named] jumped over Frank’s Speaking and Aaron Pankoke’s The Storkes to take over 1st place in the Playoff standings with his three home runs.

Could last night have been any more crazy, either in the World Series or the SLPL? Can tonight’s Game 7 -- and I love Game 7’s! -- be anywhere near as cool as last night’s game? I’m not counting on it, but nothing about this playoff year would surprise me at this point.

On to Game 7!!!

Fox Sports As Punchline

10/27/11 08:13 AM

Well, that was sure anticlimactic. So we’re going to use our extra time wisely by getting one last shot in on the mortifyingly bad game announcing provided by Fox Sports. Read “Baseball On Fox.” Just to give you an idea of where he goes with this piece:

To me, crediting Hamilton and Young for that inning is a bit like crediting the guys who drove in the golden spike at Promontory Summit with building the railroad.

He gets a little too complimentary of McCarver’s past, but otherwise good analysis. Unlike, say … well, damn, sometimes the punchlines are just to damn obvious.

Thanks, Guys!

10/26/11 09:51 AM

It might all be over tonight. So we thought we would take this chance -- before all the hubbub of closing down the season, announcing the champs, figuring out the payouts, etc. -- to thank our 2011 ownership group.

As officiants of a fantasy league with 48 owners, we begin each season with a certain amount of butt-clenching, wondering if this will be the season that we end up with an ownership group filled with whiners, complainers, general malcontents, and nincompoops. And besides Dan Klinkhamer, who has become the SLPL’s lovable official whiner, complainer, general malcontent, and nincompoop, we’re happy to report that the 2001 season completes our 117th season without a bad ownership group. Being certifiable Grade A knuckleheads ourselves, we really not sure how we luck into a group of great owners ever year. Yet somehow we do.

Oh, sure, yeah, you bet, there are some real laggards who seem to go out of their way to not pay for the ownership fees and trades they agreed to pay at the beginning of the season. What those people don’t know is that we have simple but very effective ways of resolving that issue. (Speaking of which, I lost Rocky’s cell phone number … and his girls at Kneecaps ‘R Us won’t give it to me over the phone. Can someone forward me his number? There are a couple owners we need Rocky to, uh, talk to.) Once resolved, it’s never an issue again. But by and large, we have the best damn owners in all of fantasy baseball. And for that we thank you!

Finally

10/25/11 08:08 AM

Finally, a hitter that a lot of SLPL teams have -- who is not named Nelson Cruz or Albert Pujols -- hit a home run during the World Series, which is what had to happen to make things pretty interesting in the SLPL. While Frank Sumrall’s Speaking Frankly are still atop the heap, Frank doesn’t have the big lead he had going into last night’s game. So now it comes down to this: Can Frank hold on for one or two more games to pull down the big bucks? Or, will another team get a key dong to overtake Frank and win all the marbles? Stay tuned!

The Rangers lead the World series 3-2, which means there may be just one more game this season. C’mon, Carindals, take it to seven. On to Game 6!

A Real Dark Horse

10/24/11 09:07 AM

Only one SLPL team had the foresight to pick up Mike Napoli, the hard-hitting catcher for the Texas Rangers. With 30 home runs and 85 strikeouts this season, Napoli piled up 215 SLPL points, which ain’t bad, ain’t that bad at all. Even so, perennial league favorite Peggy Bocox, owner of Sox In Your Jox, couldn’t coax that kind of production from the rest of her roster and she ended the Regular Season in 43rd place.

During these playoffs, Napoli has hit three dongs and is one of only three hitters with positive points left in the World Series, which has moved Peggy from 43rd place to 38th place in the Overall standings. Assuming no other HRs from any of the other hitters and no positive points from the remaining two active pitchers, Peggy’s Jox could jump to the top of the heap if Napoli hits a mere eight home runs in these final World Series games.

Okay, so, yeah, it ain’t gonna happen, but we wanted to give a shout out to our perennial fave Peggy and give her props for being the only team with Napoli during these playoffs.

The World Series is tied 2-2, which means we’re going to wring a minimum of six games out of this series. We like longer serieses. On to Game 5!

Kitten Kaboodle: Down Goes Martin! Down Goes Martin!

10/23/11 09:07 AM

Hey Texas, I can throw batting practice as well as your pitching staff, and I would do it for just a third of the cost. Think about it and get back to me before the beginning of next season, okay?

Anyway, the big news last night -- outside of Albert Pujols going all Babe Ruth and Reggie Jackson on the Rangers -- is that Paul Martin, owner of Cabbage Farmers, has finally been knocked off the top of the Overall heap. Since taking over the top spot on September 15 and winning the Regular Season championship, the big question was whether Paul could maintain his lead and win the Overall championship. With a 14-man playoff roster, Paul appeared to have the artillery to hold on, but he didn't have the one nuclear weapon he really needed, Nelson Cruz.

Interestingly, the one scenario I was too blind to see in yesterday's speculamating blog entry “Where We Stand” was the scenario that actually took place: Cruz hit a home run, which propelled Frank Sumrall's Frankly Speaking into first place. Frank, who played possum at 13th place at the end of the Regular season, has amassed enough points to finally unseat the Paul's Farmers. At 181 points off the lead and just nine players going into the playoffs (see graphic below), Frank's Speaking just fell through the cracks of our crack team of prognosticators. Our bad. Given the number of teams with more playoff players and more difference makers, it still seems unlikely that Frank can win it all. Having said that, there are as few as two games left in the season ... given that those difference makers haven't made a difference for any of those teams yet, Frank may actually win this damn thing. And that -- coming all the way from 13th place with only nine players to win the whole kitten kaboodle -- would be a hell of a story. Sometimes I love this league. (And Dan Klinkhamer, shut the hell up about it.)

Where We Stand

10/22/11 08:46 AM

No game last night, so not a lot to report about the standings that you haven’t already seen for yourself. The Cabbage Farmers, owned by Paul Martin, are still in first place in the Overall standings. We still have no clue whether or not Paul can maintain his lead, but it appears from the lineups (shown below) that Lance Berkman could propel Tres Caballeros, owned by Jim Klinkhamer, into 1st with a single HR and no Ks. Two long balls by either Nelson Cruz or Josh Hamilton could propel Kirby Puckett's Good Eye, owned by Brandon Olivarria, into first. The Blaming Flips, owned by Vince Livernois, could jump into the lead with a couple dingers from Hamilton and Berkman. And Full Circuits, owned by Bill Cunning, could take the lead of none of the above scenarios happen and Paul suffers a couple Ks without getting any home runs. Given the way these teams aren’t hitting HRs, this might be the scenario we see. Am I missing any other scenarios?

(Click to enlargenate)

Meanwhile, Speaking Frankly, owned by Frank Sumrall, is still in first place in the Playoff standings and can only maintain his lead if no HRs are hit by remaining Rangers or Cardinals players in the SLPL. The Strokes, owned by Aaron Pankoke, Reserva Coladeras, owned by Tom Kinchus, [Team We Cannot Mention], owned by David Adrian, and ScootTucky Plow , owned by Scott Allen, are all hoping to make up some ground and overtake Sumrall. There are probably some dark horses still out there, but I haven’t studied all rosters. Lemme know if you see any other scenarios that will turn the standings upside down.

Rant Exhaustion? Or Plain Apathy?

10/20/11 10:21 PM

I wish I could say I’m suffering from Rant Exhaustion, but really I’m just feeling apathetic. I mean, I thought I might have a good head of steam going into tonight’s game after last night’s hail of rant bullets, but when I turned on the TV tonight I just felt kinda blah. Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Ken Rosenthal, and the whole Fox Sports team just had that affect on me tonight. So I’m just gonna let others speak for me.

Be sure to check out Shut Up Tim McCarver at shutuptimmcarver.com (I kid you not).

Or how about the I Hate Tim McCarver Home Page, which features the Tim McCarver Drinking Game (I’m partial to #2 and #5)?

Better yet, check out the article “Tim McCarver: My Reason to Envy the Deaf,” whose title alone deserves a special place in the baseball Hall-of-Fame.

And you can’t miss the blog entry “Turn It off!: The 50 Worst Announcers In Sports Today,” which has this to say about Timmy Boy:

This is an entry on a list about the worst announcers in sports. See, when you're making a list, you break it down into different categories and put spaces between the entries, so people can tell it's a list. Like this entry about Tim McCarver, Fox baseball analyst. McCarver analyzes baseball for Fox. And while he's analyzing baseball for the Fox network, he offers stunning behind-the-scenes insight, just like you're getting in this entry here. Which is part of a larger list.

Or, as Eric Stangel said on Twitter just tonight:

McCarver

Joe Buck is also listed in that article, of course, with the following:

Alternating between dull and sanctimonious, Buck is a crotchety curmudgeon trapped in a younger man's body. When he's not draining the life out of the greatest moments in modern sports, he's lecturing us on the sad state of the NFL.

Speaking of Joe Buck, you will absolutely love what Google fills in when you begin to ask “is Joe Buck the Cardinal’s announcer?”:

Joe Buck

It’s like Google knows exactly what I’m really thinking at a meta level. Interestingly enough, to answer the question Google asks (the previous 50-worst article got the rankings wrong, IMHO), lots of people do think his is the worst announcer ever, like Yahoo! Answers. Meh… gets it right here (with special bonus points for putting Bill Walton on the list):

Worst

That was fun. But I promise if I’m not feeling the hate after Game 3, I’ll just make some observations about the SLPL standings. That’s what I’m here for, I suppose.

On to Game 3!

This Hit From The Request Line...

10/19/11 11:21 PM

Got a request just before leaving last week from Not As Lazy As Ian owner Jim Hicks, who asked: "Can you please do a Tim McCarver rant on the next SLPL blog? He's punching the same meaningless stats twice in a row. This is nearly unwatchable." To which I responded: "Nearly unwatchable?" Not really. I mercifully found a way to avoid having to watch the Fox Sports broadcasts during the League Championship Series. I promised Jim I would do something for the World Series, though, and ... well, that's one promise I wish I hadn't had to keep. Or, as Moammar Camacho's owner Joe Livernois said via Facebook just before Game 1: "Two teams I care nothing about, a blathering McCarver, with intervals filled with Brian Wilson commercials? No thanks."

So, here goes. The rant isn't McCarver-centric, as you'll see, but my World Series rants have never been McCarver only. Everyone involved, including the advertisers, deserve the ridicule they receive.

Hey, Tim McCarver: What the hell is a "thinking apparatus." And did you really just say that in reference to Mark McGwire, the single biggest box of rocks -- sans you, of course -- in MLB history?
Hey, Joe Buck: Could you try just a teeny tiny bit to sound as though you're not actively rooting for the Cardinals?
Hey, Tim McCarver: Did you really just say "deep Freese, indeed"? Wouldn't that lame-ass phrase be better used for the guy when he's in a slump rather than when he's in the middle of ten-game playoff hitting streak?
Hey, Fox Sports: An infrared camera? You can’t be serious.
Hey, Tim McCarver: The infrared camera reminds you of the remake of “The Thing”? What does that even mean?
Hey, Audi: The song you used while showing your cool new race car had the chorus "...it's so easy when you know what you're doing" ... was that your company's brutal commentary on the catch fence the nitwits at the Las Vegas Speedway used at last weekend's race?
Hey, Joe Buck: Was asking Ron Washington about his sunflowers seeds truly one of the top three questions you could have possibly asked him during the in-game interview? Seriously?
Hey, Tim McCarver: For the record, Holliday's double was not the "first extra base hit" of the game. You know how I know? Because you made a big deal out of Beltre's double being the "first extra base hit" of the game when he did it a couple innings earlier. (Note to self: Check to see if he makes a big deal out of the "first extra base hit" in all remaining games.)
Hey, Fox Sports: On a called strike to Berkman, wouldn't the Pitch Tracker -- you know, the gadget you overuse most other times but that actually shows the strike zone -- be more useful then that stupefyingly-ridiculous infrared camera?
Via Sue Klinkhamer on Facebook: Hey, Tim McCarver: "Thanks...for teaching the audience the definition of 'pitching around a hitter.' Trust me, no one who is watching this World Series needs to be schooled in baseball basics. We are all experts in the 'field.'"
Hey, Ken Rosenthal: Jason Motte was 60-something feet away ... he didn't see the ball hit Beltre's shoe. However, the 26 camera angles, 57 replays, and that idiotic infrared camera all showed the ball hitting the shoe. Why the hell ask Jason Motte?
Hey, Major League Baseball: When you have 26 camera angles, 57 replays, and that idiotic infrared camera at your disposal to show that the ball did indeed and without question hit Beltre's shoe, why the hell not refer to the 26 camera angles, 57 replays, and that idiotic infrared camera to help your umpires get a call right?

Before I close, here’s a fun Tweet I found tonight:

Screen Shot 2011-10-19 at 8.34.33 PM

On to Game 2!

This Is The Near-End

10/19/11 08:45 AM

Today is both a happy and sad day. Happy because the World Series begins. Sad because the beginning of the World Series signals the near-end of what has been a very fun 2011 SLPL season. I mean, the season could be over as early as this Sunday. The best case scenario, if the series goes the full seven games, is that the season will end next Thursday. Man, what will I do with my early mornings when the season is over?

Speaking of which, even when the season’s over we’ll still be checking in regularly just to see how things are looking for the ’11 Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. Remember, the Death Pool will continue even after the World Series is over and will end with the first pitch of the 2012 season.

Good luck one and all during the World Series!

We're Back! Now Let The World Series Begin

10/17/11 09:16 AM

The SLPL Blog is now back, up and running after the long weekend spent celebrating Sons of Pitches owners Kathy Livernois’ 50th birthday in Vegas. At least, I think that’s what we were doing. Two long days partying poolside at the Golden Nugget cabanas were responsible for the untimely deaths of hundreds of millions of brain cells, many of them mine.

Meanwhile, the Detroit Tigers and Milwaukee Brewers have bowed out of the postseason, leaving the Texas Rangers and St. Louis Cardinals to play in the World Series. That gives SLPL owners a total of eight hitters and two pitchers during the last round of the playoffs, which ain’t that bad at all. Major props to Frankly Speaking owner Frank Sumrall, who was on nobody’s radar going into the League Championship series but who has since overtaken the Playoffs top spot and moved into 2nd place Overall, just ten points back of Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers. Given that he lost Cabrerra and Braun for the World Series, we don’t know that Frank’s Speaking can move much higher, but he’s likely hoping to somehow make up ground through the attrition of strikeouts by hitters on Paul’s roster.

Given how close the standings are, it will be fun to see what shakes out during the World Series. Here’s how points are awarded during the Fall Classic:
. Hitters earn 100 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 10 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 10 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 50 points for every homer surrendered

Good luck to all out contenders during the World Series.

Blog's Going Dark; Standings Aren't, We Think

10/13/11 11:40 PM

Just as things are getting really interesting in the Overall standings, the SLPL Blog is going dark until Monday. We’re taking our butts to Vegas to celebrate Sons of Pitches owner Kathy Livernois’ 50th birthday. Don’t fret, though. As long as we have an Internet connection, we’ll update the playoff standings and stats. So, while we won’t have blog entries, we will update the standings. We think.

In the meantime, Happy 50th Birthday, Kathy!

We Meant To Say Six Teams

10/11/11 08:37 AM

Can’t believe we said four teams. While Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers maintain an Overall lead, it is now Brandon Olivarria’s Kirby Puckett’s Good Eye, on the power of Nelson Cruz’s two homers last night, that is in second place. Brandon has also overtaken the top-spot in the Playoff standings. Meanwhile, Scott Allen’s ScootTucky Plow have moved into second place in the Playoffs and jumped from 15th place to 7th place in the Overall standings. Can Paul hold onto his Overall lead? Will another difference-making player propel yet another team into the race? What the hell is happening this season? Schmoly, I can’t keep tack.

Sunday Morning WTF?! Taking Over First

10/09/11 08:07 AM

With just one game of the League Championship Series in the books, Tres Caballeros owner Jim Klinkhamer has taken over first place in the Playoff standings and is now only 55 points behind Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers in the Overall standings. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Jim … if you keep this up, you’re going to take all the drama out of the playoffs.

Did We Say Three Teams?

10/08/11 11:01 AM

Wait, did we say three teams? With the Phillies and D-Backs now eliminated, there’s yet another horse in this 2011 SLPL race, The Blaming Flips, owned by past Overall Champ Vince Livernois. Okay, so he’s 225 points back of the Overall lead and 70 points off the Playoff lead, but Vince’s Flips have a full eight hitters going into the League Championship Serieseses. And the value of points are going up. During these League Championship games:

. Hitters earn 50 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 5 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 5 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 25 points for every homer surrendered (New in 2011: Was 20 points in previous seasons.)

Stay tuned. With four teams in the hunt, this might just be a good race.

Did We Say Two Teams?

10/07/11 06:03 AM

Did we say two teams? With the Yankees thankfully disposed of from the playoffs -- loved watching A-Rod return to playoff form, BTW! -- we need to amend what we said yesterday. What we meant to say was that appears the 2011 season will come town to three teams. Sure, [Team That Shall Not Be Named], owned by David Adrian, is a full 511 points out of first place in the Overall standings and 116 points behind in the Playoffs, but the dude still has some difference makers left … and points go up a lot in each of the remaining rounds of the playoffs. Lots of questions about whether or not he can really pull it off, but we’re just giddy as hell over here with the thought that we might actually have to give the 2011 crown to a team whose name we can’t even bring ourselves to write publicly on this blog!

Down To Two Teams

10/06/11 07:20 AM

It appears the 2011 season will come town to two teams:

Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin has the lead Overall and in the Playoff standings, but he started with one fewer pitcher and has since lost Evan Longoria. Tres Caballeros owner Jim Klinkhamer, meanwhile, has two difference makers and is hot on the trail of the lead in the Playoff standings, sitting just six points for games played through last night.

Is It Just Me...

10/05/11 08:36 AM

…or does it appear that a lot more points are being awarded and lost during this season’s division serieses compared to previous years?

Now Pay Already!

10/04/11 08:30 AM

Longtime SLPL owner Steve McNelly, owner of Guzzlyn Suds, checked in yesterday with the following:

Hey- I looked but couldn't find where I can pay my fees online--can you send me the link? Or, if not--I can send a check to Rube. Thanks!

No, thank you, Steve, for reminding us that we need to remind everyone that now is a great time to pay what they owe. We need to pay the champs, dontchya know, and sending your monies STAT will help us do just that. You can pay using PayPal or send a check to:

Joe Livernois
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907

Of course, Steve being Steve, he ended his e-mail with this:

PS- I hate this league.

Of course you do! Now pay already. And we’ll see you next season!

Cabbage Farmers Not Giving Ground

10/03/11 07:41 AM

If you haven’t already found the playoff standings and stats, check out the menu bar above. Everything can be found under “Playoffs >”. Or, you can use these links:

The At-A-Glance is here.
Overall standings are here.
Playoff standings are here.
Hitter stats are here.
Pitcher stats are here.
Hall-of-Fame Death Pool standings here.
Past leaders here.

After the first weekend of playoff games, Regular Season champ Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers still lead the Overall standings … because he also leads the Playoff standings. Dude is not giving any ground, is he?

Well, That Was Anticlimactic

10/01/11 12:01 PM

After Wednesday night’s insanity, yesterday’s playoff games(ish) sure were anticlimactic. One game and an inning-and-a-half of another. Zero plus-SLPL points. The only fireworks were the three bombs given up by C.J. Wilson of the Texas Rangers. Besides that, well, blah.

On the fun side -- and what was that I said yesterday about point bleeders? -- without scoring a single point, Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's gained six points on Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers in the Overall Standings.

Here’s hoping today’s games are more fun and more productive than yesterdays.

Let The Playoffs Begin!

09/30/11 09:19 AM

Besides beefing up The Pot, -- which is a massive benefit given that no champ will win less than $125 this season -- one of the little-anticipated advantages of offering free trades this season is that lots of teams made lots of trades to beef up their rosters for the playoffs. In the last week of the season alone, SLPL teams made 32 trades -- eight paid and 24 free -- which means that this season’s playoffs should be pretty darned interesting and exciting. Get this: 23 teams have at least eight players in the playoffs; ten of those have at least eight players; two teams have 14 players; one team -- Jim Klinkhamer’s Tres Caballeros -- has a complete 15-player playoff roster. This is doubly cool because many of the teams with beefy playoff rosters are within 100 points of Regular Season Champ Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers (who has one of the 14-man playoff rosters).

If you asked me who I think’s going to win, I would have to say I have no clue. The playoffs are always interesting, but this year’s are just too damn unpredictable. Why? I mean, shouldn’t Paul be a favorite with 14 players? Or Jim, who is just 77 points off the lead and a full playoff roster? Not necessarily. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that having certain players can actually hurt you. For example, if you had Ryan Howard last year, you would have netted -65 points (that is, minus 65 points). Robinson Cano in 2009 would have lost you 87 points. So while it’s great to have certain producers, you may end up paying for it by having too many bleeders. So, I’m at a loss.

Here’s reminder of how points are awarded for each round of the playoffs:

During the Divisional Playoffs...
. Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 2 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered

During the League Championship Series...
. Hitters earn 50 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 5 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 5 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 25 points for every homer surrendered (New in 2011: Was 20 points in previous seasons.)

During the World Series...
. Hitters earn 100 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 10 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 10 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 50 points for every homer surrendered

Good luck!

Paul Martin Crowned 2011 Regular Season Champ!

09/29/11 09:58 AM

If Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's were the Boston Red Sox, then Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers were the Tampa Bay Rays … and the Cabbage Farmers have been crowned the 2011 Regular Season Champs!

We all know the story by now, so we’re not going to prattle on and on about it. Instead, we're going to let Paul prattle on and on about it. “Joe led in the standings for like two-thirds of the season, and in the end he completely botched it,” Paul said in his press conference last night after winning the title by just nine points. “I’m not going to say it was a monumental collapse. I'd say it's more accurate to say that the Camacho’s collapse was a monumentally monumental collapse. All Joe had to do was make a single trade with a month or so left in the season, and he would be sitting here gloating instead of me. But instead he stayed with A-Rod the entire year. That boneheaded non-move netted the Camacho's exactly 80 points from A-Rod for the entire season. Heck, If he had picked up, say, Dan Uggla on August 3rd, Uggla would have netted the Camacho's 83 points during the last two months of the season alone. So, I’m thankful tonight that Joe went all Moneyball on his fans this season … while he made the season interesting, he is also the reason my Cabbage Farmers are the Regular Season Champs. Well, that and all the great trades I made.”

By winning, Paul earned a cool $505.

Here’s the complete list of champs crowned at the end of last night’s crazy, nutty, cool, awesome, unbelievable games, which marked the official end of the 2011 Regular Season:

Regular Season Champ: Cabbage Farmers (2), Paul Martin
Hitting Champ: Full Circuits (19), Bill Cunning
Pitching Champ: Kirby Puckett's Good Eye (9), Brandon Olivarria
Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ: Kirby Puckett's Good Eye (9), Brandon Olivarria
Arugula Division Champ: Highlanders (17), Rick Coppock
Crisphead Division Champ: Full Circuits (19), Bill Cunning
Endive Division Champ: Cabbage Farmers (2), Paul Martin
Frisee Division Champ: The Blaming Flips (16), Vince Livernois
Radicchio Division Champ: This League Really Blows (11), Dan Klinkhamer
Romaine Division Champ: Washington Bullets (18), Jim Cummings
Spinach Division Champ: ScootTucky Plow (24), Scott Allen
Swiss Chard Division Champ: Detroit Tiger Blood (16), Joe Kelly

Congratulations to Paul Martin and to all our Regular Season champs!

In Other News
After a barrage of last-minute trading -- there were about 25 total transactions submitted at the trading deadline -- trading has now officially ended for the 2011 seasons. And the playoffs are about to begin. Good luck!

Regular Season Nearly Complete; Trading Nearly Over

09/28/11 08:54 AM

Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers are six points ahead of Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's heading into the final day of the Regular Season (unless there’s a playoff to determine the Wild Card teams). And with the end of the Regular Season comes the end of trading for the season. From our trade rules:

Trading ends when the Regular Season ends, which is with the final out made of the final game played on the final day of the season (including one-game playoffs to determine Division or Wild Card winners).

For those of you that have earned free trades, it’ll cost you nothing to make those trades, but you have to make ‘em before the final out of the final game of the final game of this season; after that, those free trades are lost to the ether. By my calculations, ten teams have earned a total of 15 free trades that they haven’t yet used. Get ‘em in to me, STAT!

Special Tuesday Morning WTF?! Lead Changes Again

09/27/11 09:11 AM

Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's are now behind Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers by three points. With just two days left in the Regular Season. Here’s how Paul took back the top spot:

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! league leaders, how is this gonna end?

Special Monday Morning WTF?! Six Points…The Other Way

09/26/11 08:37 AM

Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's have now overtaken Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers. With just three days left in the Regular Season. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! league leaders, can you make this more exciting?!

Sunday Morning WTF?! Seven Points...

09/25/11 10:49 AM

…is all the separates Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's from Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers. With just four days left in the Regular Season. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! league leaders, are you really going to take this down to the wire?!

Stretch Run

09/24/11 10:55 AM

Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's are still 13 points behind Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers with just four days left in the Regular Season. (Seriously?! The Regular Season ends on a Wednesday?! When the hell did they decide that?!) Unless something big happens in these final days, it appears one of these two will be crowned Regular Season Champ.

Meanwhile, eight teams are less than 100 points off Paul’s pace, which means our playoffs should be pretty interesting. Who’s gonna make a move or two to beef up their playoff rosters? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

Now Would Be A Good Time To Pay

09/22/11 08:40 AM

With the end of the Regular Season around the corner, now would be a good time to pay already. See how much you owe here. Use this nifty page to pay. ‘Cause, you know, we need to money to pay our winners. Just saying.

Camacho's Finally Blink, Make "Panic Trade"

09/21/11 07:50 AM

Moammar Camacho's owner Joe Livernois has finally made a trade, his first since April. From his e-mail with the subject line “Panic Trade” last night:

Down to the wire, 13 points back, here's a trade (finally):
Troy Mulletwhiskey out. Pablo Sandoval in. Book it.

Joe’s clearly trying to make up some ground on Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin, who has lead the Overall Standings for more than a week.

Too little, too late for the Camacho’s? We’ll see.

Oh, Snap!

09/20/11 09:12 AM

I'm Winning owner Ian Hicks is throwing down on This League Really Blows owner Dan Klinkhamer. Ian cashed in on a free trade this morning, trading Matt Kemp for Ryan Bruan, and had this to say to explain why he’s making the trade: “To kill Dan Klinkhamer's (Insert Whiny Name Here) once and for all.” Ian leads Dan by 30 points in the Radicchio Division. Dan has one free trade available to make.

Moammar Camacho's Playing With Fire

09/15/11 07:56 AM

Still wondering why Moammar Camacho's owner Joe Livernois refuses to make a trade. While he’s led the league for much of the season, there are only two weeks left in the season and he has just given up the top spot in the Overall Standings to Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin after leading the past week. When asked earlier this season why he wasn’t trading 15-DL-ers or dumping deadweight from his roster as a way to maintain his lead, Joe said he didn’t want to overreact as long as he was top dog. That strategy has worked for him most of the year, but he’s been in a dogfight with Paul since late August and has been out of 1st place at least eight days over that time. Joe has made one only one trade this season, a $5 trade on April 14th.

"Kinda Outta Luck" By Lana Del Rey

09/12/11 08:37 AM

“Flat out of luck” perfectly defines the season my Pepino Mono’s had. Or, should I say, every season my Monos have had?

The Way It Is Done

09/09/11 10:44 AM

Carrboro T-Birds owner Brian Thornburg has done things the right way this season. By making just $65 worth of paid trades, he earned three free trades, which he then converted into $55 worth of free transactions. That’s one free $15 trades and two free $20 trades. Put another way, Brian was able to make a total of 13 trades, only ten of which he had to pay for. On making today’s $20 free trades, Brian said “Both players are on the 15-day DL and I need some pop to catch up to [Joe Kelly’s] Detroit Tiger Blood in the Swiss Chard Division.” That’s some deft trading … and now, at $20 per trade, was a great time to cash in on those free trades.

Incidentally, Joe Kelly inquired this morning as to whether or not he had any free trades coming in the hopes of retaining his current lead over Brian, which sits at 35 points. This will be a fun division to watch the rest of the season.

We're Back

09/08/11 08:16 AM

It’s been a while, we know, but we’re back for the rest of the season with no planned blackouts. (Please note the whole “planned” thing).

To get the remainder of the season going, see how many current or former SLPL owners you can spot in the following picture, which was taken Saturday night at my mother’s post-service, post-Camacho’s get together. Bonus points for accurately identifying future SLPL owners.

Sorry To Say, But We're Going Dark For A While

08/31/11 10:34 PM

Sorry to do this to y’all, especially this late in the season, but the SLPL Blog is going dark starting tomorrow (Thursday) and will remain dark for, oh, maybe as much as a week. All the Livernoises responsible for running this league are heading El Centro-California-way for our mother’s service … and the Livernois most responsible for running this blog and updating the standing and stats (a.k.a., me) won’t be back for a week. We’ll try to steal some time away to update standings and stats at least once early next week, but we can’t make any promises. Things will be up and running again for sure come next Thursday. Until then, take care and be careful this holiday weekend.

Hola Homestretch $20 Trades!

08/31/11 07:55 AM

You know you’re in the homestretch of the season when trades go up from $15 to $20. Welp, folks, we’re in the homestretch of the season. If you earned ‘em, now would be a good time to use your free trades.

$15 Trade Is Adios-Worthy

08/30/11 08:58 AM

The final hours of the $15 trade are ticking off. Get yours today, before the first pitch of the first game played today, using this form. Trades go up to $20 after that and stay that way until the end of the season. All trading ends when the playoffs begin.

Special Monday Morning WTF?! $15 Trade Nearly Bye-Bye

08/29/11 07:43 AM

Yeah. We’re distracted. So much so that we forgot that the $15 trade was about to become a $20 trade. When it finally occurred to us this morning, we checked the MLB schedule and saw that the Regular Season ends on September 28th. Since the $20 trade is supposed to be in effect during the final month of the season, and since today is kinda, sorta in that final month, trades should now be $20. But because we goofed and failed to give our ownership group -- the single best group of fantasy baseball owners on this planet, because we said so -- any warning of the impending change in trade costs, we’re giving everyone a one-day reprieve starting today. If you want to make any last minute $15 trades, you have until the first pitch of the first game played tomorrow, August 30. So, getchyer $15 trades in because tomorrow trades go up to $20.

Hey SLPL Blog Peoples, Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!

Ole!

08/27/11 11:03 AM

This bull’s not putting up with any of that, well, uh … you know.

Everything's Up And Running Again

08/26/11 12:00 PM

Everything’s up and running again. Standings. Stats. Etc. Oh, and hey, lookie! With some recent tradage, we’ve been able to bump the payouts to the Division Champs from $100 to $125. So, the minimum a champ will win this season will be $125. Sah-wheat!

We're Back … But RotoWire Is Down

08/25/11 08:25 AM

This SPL Blog is back, as evidenced by this here little blog entry, but now our stats provider RotoWire is down. RotoWire posted stats for games played through Wednesday night, but stats for yesterday’s games aren’t yet reflected.

But that’s cool ‘cause we get to highlight the fact that Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers have overtaken Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho’s, bumping Camacho’s from the top spot for the first time since July 22. Interesting.

The Blog Is Going Dark For A Few

08/22/11 08:31 AM

This SPL Blog is going dark for the next couple days. We’re headed to NYC, leaving early morning tomorrow and coming back late Wednesday night, so we won’t be able to update the blog or the standings or stats until first thing Thursday morning. Sorry about that, boys and girls. While we’re gone, do us a favor and keep a lookout for pitchers who hit home runs. You know, just in case.

In the meantime, enjoy this sweet triple play. It’s worth watching more than once.

Many Thanks

08/19/11 09:01 AM

The SLPL Blog thanks you all for the many kind words following yesterday’s tribute to our mother, Barbara Jeanne Livernois. We heard from you via Facebook, via blog comments, via e-mail, and via the old-school telephone. All of your good thoughts are really appreciated.

Hoping that he doesn’t mind that I share this, the following came to us via e-mail from Full Circuits owner Bill Cunning. It is representative of the types of messages we have been receiving, all of which provide great comfort during this rocky time:

I was very sorry to read about your Mom passing and wanted to acknowledge my recollection of her as being a very fine human being. As you probably know, I grew up with your cousin, Jim Cummings, and as such, was privileged to be accepted as part of his household. During the early years, I remember your Dad and Mom visiting Jim's Mom, who was very special, and recall fondly how they all interacted with each other and the pleasant aura that they all shared. My sincere condolences on her passing and extend my best wishes to you and all members of your families.

For fun, I’m resurrecting a video from earlier this year announcing the ’11 season of the SLPL. I provide it here because it prominently features the one-and-only Bobblehead-of-Lettuce, Babs’ enduring contribution to the league. Enjoy.

Finally, here’s a picture of Babs with league Commissioner Rube Furrow, taken years ago, just before Rube’s country music career petered out because he was too proud to play Kenny Rogers cover songs.

Barbara Jeanne Livernois, 1930-2011

08/18/11 08:47 AM

The woman responsible for bringing into the world the knuckleheads who created this dopey little league has passed on to the Great Fantasy Baseball League In the Sky. (Though, if heaven matches the person, she has passed to the Great Kitty Haven In the Sky.) Barbara Jeanne Livernois, mother to six children, grandmother to a herd of grandchildren, and great-grandmother to a few great-grandchildren, died yesterday in Brawley, CA, at the age of 80.

While raising a gaggle of kids perpetually on the verge of a MacGruber moment, Babs worked various and sundry full-time gigs at various and sundry places, including St. Mary’s Catholic School, Central Union High School, Imperial Valley College, Coca-Cola bottling, and El Centro Community Hospital. Somehow, she always found time to attend all her kids’ sporting events and even found time to create and create and create in various side hobbies such as stained glass, painting, knitting, etc; she always seemed to have a project going. Barbara was also a lover of pets, using her home at various times to host dogs, cats, turtles, a duck, rabbits, fish, sheep, neighborhood kids, and other animals. On top of all that, she was a voracious reader.

Barbara is known to Santa Lechuga Power League owners as a past co-owner of an early league team. But she is best known to SLPL aficionados as the creator of the first and only real, actual, manifest Bobblehead-of-Lettuce, which sits proudly on the bar of league Vice President Pedregoso Rios.

To Barbara Jeanne Livernois, our mom, our grandmother, our great-grandmother, our fellow-SLPL owner, maker of the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce, all-round remarkable woman: We love you and miss you. You will forever be in our hearts.

"9 Is This Year's Lucky Number"

08/10/11 09:14 AM

Woke up this morning to the following message from Brandon Olivarria, owner of Kirby Puckett’s Good Eye:

Just a friendly heads up that my boy Mr. Cliff Lee does it again! And on my lucky day again! [Team That Shall Not Be Named owner] David Adrian wasn't a happy camper when I called him. "You bastard!” were the actual words! Not to mention Lee also tossed 10 Ks. Ya I'd say it was a pretty nice day!

Brandon’s taunts at David’s expense come on the heals of Brandon’s taking over first place in the Power-Hitting Pitchers Standings at David’s expense. With Lee’s home runs on July 9 and August 9, and with a Magic Number of 9, Brandon has jumped ahead of David, who has gained points for each pitcher who has hit a home run this year but who has yet to have hit the Magic Number dead-on for any of them.

We're Back

08/08/11 08:59 AM

We’re back. After a rousing, hot, wet, rocking three days, the SLPL blog is back in business until, well, the next time we decide to have a rousing, wet, rocking three days. My dogs are tired, my ears are still humming, and my shoes will undoubtedly squish for another week or so. But, damn. It was a fine time.

On the drive home last night, we had to agree that The Joy Formidable was one of our favorite new live bands. Damned impressive for a three-piece unit. It will be fun to see if their recorded stuff measures up.

The League's Going Dark for the Weekend

08/05/11 07:47 AM

Lollapalooza’s in Chicago this weekend, which means the SLPL blog won’t be even remotely aware of baseball, Santa Lechuga, tsunamis, or most anything else that’s happening in the world for three days. Thus, the SLPL Blog -- including standings and stats -- will be ignored until Monday. If you send trades, we’ll process them retroactively when we get back.

In the meantime, tip of the ballcap to ScootTucky Plow owner Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen, who sent us the following NSFW video. It’s a thing of beauty. The narration is the video.

Dogfight!

07/22/11 11:01 AM

Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's aren’t going quietly into the night. Just one day after losing their month-long stranglehold on the Overall Standings, the Camacho’s took back 1st place from Brian Thornburg’s Carrboro T-Birds. Meanwhile, four other teams are within 50 points of the lead. We have good old fashioned dogfight on our hands, ladies and germs.

T-Birds Bump Camacho's, Take Over First

07/21/11 05:09 PM

Brian Thornburg’s Carrboro T-Birds ended Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's month-long stranglehold on the Overall Standings after last night’s action, taking over 1st place by seven points. Brian leads the Swiss Chard Division by over 100 points, is in 3rd place in the Hitting Standings, and is in 7th place in the Pitching Standings. Brian has made all ten of his paid trades so far this season, and he has also used one of his free trades. He has two more trades he can use, which will come in handy if one of his clutch players goes on the DL.

Ian Hicks' Old-School Mad Crazy Skillz Put Him In Third

07/19/11 09:52 AM

Don’t look now, but I’m Winning owner Ian Hicks is making a run at Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's. After a slow and steady climb up the standings, Ian made a jump from 6th to 3rd after last night’s games and is now just 53 points out of first place. Ian was crowned the youngest-ever Overall Champ in 2004, but he hasn’t made too many waves in the SLPL since. This year, however, he appears to be employing his old-school mad-crazy SLPL skillz again by drafting a nifty initial roster and then making shrewd and timely trades. I’m Winning currently leads the Pitching standings and the Radicchio Division and is 5th in Hitting.

We're Back

07/18/11 08:42 AM

The SLPL Blog is back in commission. We’re a little beat from the weekend’s events, but it’s a good kind of beat. Standings and stats are updated, too.

$15 Trades Begin

07/14/11 07:05 PM

Fifteen Buck Trades

With the official beginning of the second half of the season, the $15 trade has begun. If you wanted to make a $10 trade, you’re too late. That is all.

$10 Trades End With Today's First Pitch

07/14/11 07:21 AM

Ten Buck Trades

Getchyer $10 trades in before 7:05 pm tonight (Eastern time) ‘cause they’re going up to $15 after that. Remember, Alex Rodriguez is down for a long while, Oh, and Jon Lester appears to be on the DL.

Good luck in the second half of the season!

ScootTucky Plow Crowned 2011 All-Star Champ!

07/13/11 09:03 AM

In an All-Star competition that featured everything that matters to SLPL owners -- points awarded at the Derby, hitters hitting home runs, hitters striking out, pitchers throwing strikeouts and a pitcher giving up a home run -- Scott "Scoot" Allen's ScootTucky Plow fended off all comers to win the SLPL's All-Star Championship. Scoot edged out Joe Kelly's Detroit Tiger Blood by 25 points. Paul Martin's Cabbage Farmers and Nate Meyer's The Hand Bananas tied for third, just 50 points out of first place.

“That was awesome! But I wanna kill Joey Votto,” Scoot said after the game. "He almost choked away my All-Star victory! Gator dont play that!" Allen dropped Votto from his SLPL roster first thing this morning so Votto couldn't do any more damage.

Before last night’s Summer Classic, Commissioner Rube Furrow announced that the league had bumped the payout for the All-Star Championship from $125 to $150. "This has been a great season of trading, and our Pot reflects that," Furrow said in a pre-game press conference. At the half-way point in the season, our owners have made 55 more trades than last year and we're just $315 away from matching last season's total Pot. So winners are going to win more this season."

Speaking of trading, owners should be aware that the $10 trade will soon be a thing of the past, as trades will increase to $15 tomorrow when the Regular Season resumes. Ten-buck trades end with the first pitch of the first game played tomorrow. And with that in mind, did you know that Alex Rodriguez will be out for 4-to-6 weeks with a knee surgery? We’re just saying ... if you wanna drop A-Rod, you might want to do it before the $10 goes the way of the dodo.

Congrats to Scoot Allen, the 2011 All-Star Champ and this year's first owner to collect scratch off the table!

Home Run Derby Nize For 14 Teams

07/11/11 10:51 PM

That’s more like it! Unlike last season, where not a single point was awarded to a single team, this season’s home run derby doled out 250 points to 14 different SLPL teams. Nize. Robinson Cano was the Derby winner, though really we all won since Joe Morgan didn’t have anything to do with the broadcast. While the broadcast was still painful, sure, it was exponentially less so without Morgan involved. That’s all we’re saying.

photo-show
Anyway, tonight we crown an All-Star Champ, the first championship to be awarded for the ’11 season, and cut a check for $125. Here’s how points are awarded during the All-Star Game:

Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
Hitters lose 25 points for every K
Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
Pitchers 75 points for every homer surrendered

Check out All-Star Standings and All-Star Stats. Good luck!

In Other League News...
League honchos were so distracted by the upcoming All-Star break that we failed to notice that Cliff Lee hit a home run on Saturday. It didn’t get past Kirby Puckett's Good Eye owner Brandon Olivarria, though, since Brandon has Lee on his roster ... and Lee hit the homer on the 9th, Brandon’s Magic Number. That shook up the Power-Hitting Pitchers Standings, putting Olivarria just ten points behind David Adrian’s Team That Shall Not Be Named.

All-Star Break Begins; 125 Clams Up For Grabs

07/11/11 07:11 AM

As always, SLPL league head honchos are excited by this time of the season. It will take just two days and two events -- today’s Home Run Derby and Tuesday’s All-Star Game -- to crown a champ and cut a check. None of this “waiting around for 162 games” stuff. None of that “playoffs” thingy. Nope. Two days. Two events. One champ. One check.

Here’s how points are awarded toward the All-Star Standings:

If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points
During the All-Star game, hitters on your roster earn 150 points for every home run hit and lose 25 points for every K during the All-Star game
During the All-Star game, pitchers on your roster earn 25 points for every K and lose 75 points for every homer surrendered during the game

If your team has the most combined points, you will be crowned the 2011 All-Star Champ and collect $125.

Remember, points earned toward the All-Star Standings are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

First up: Tonight, the Home Run Derby!

2011 HR Derby

Tomorrow night, the All-Star Game. Check the game rosters and your SLPL roster. While it’s too late to make trades for the Home Run Derby, you can make trades for additional All-Stars by midnight tonight so that they’re eligible for tomorrow’s All-Star game.

Rube Visits the Midwest Division

07/08/11 08:55 AM

The Santa Lechuga city manager informed us earlier this month that the City Council needed to spend the surplus before the end of the fiscal year, so Mayor Rube Furrow took his wife Esmeralda on a junket to the Midwest, allegedly to "scout" for a site to locate the SLPL Hall-of-Fame. His first choice was a dirt lot in Downer's Grove, but learned from a Sun-Times investigation that the property is actually the burial site of all those Chicago "citizens" who voted for Mayor Daley. As a result, Rube has narrowed the Hall-of-Fame site to Dan Klinkhamer's basement.

Rube wishes to thank the site-selection committee, comprised of Midwest team ownership groups, for sharing pizzas with the size and consistency of first base — and many many (many) beers. Special thanks to Tony Livernois, Kathy Livernois, Megan Pierce, Dan and Sue Klinkhamer, the Pankoke clan and Joe Kelly for hanging with the Rube, and especially to Kathy, Jim and Katie Jane for a rousing Cornhole match!

Rube Loves The Midwest

07/07/11 08:00 AM

SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow finally got to meet some of the Midwest contingent of SLPL owners last night and he was impressed with what he saw. “That Pankoke kid (Aaron), he’s the real deal. It’s been seven years since he last won the Overall Championship but I expect he’ll win another one. Dude knows his stuff” Rube said. “And Julie (Pankoke), we need more people like her in this league. She’s passionate and enthusiastic about the league, and she keeps (league vice president Pedregoso) Rios in line. She brings up a good point that the league needs to revive the Ruiz Cup and give the past champs that haven’t received ‘em the cups they earned.”

Furrow continued, “(Sons of Pitches owner) Kathy Livernois is right that we shouldn’t go censoring team names. We set the bar pretty low when we let that Adrian dude (David) submit a team name straight out of Over-the-Line. Kathy should be able to name her team what she wants. No censoring next season, I promise.”

“It was great to meet (Detroit Tiger Blood owner) Joe Kelley,” Furrow said. “But he shouldn’t get too down about being in second in the Swish Chard division. There’s still a lot of baseball left.”

“(This Is Gonna Get Uggla owner) Sue Klinkhamer’s a real gem,” Furrow said. “She picks the crappiest rosters and she hasn’t won anything of substance in all the years she’s been in the league, but somehow she comes back for more every season. She has the best team names. And she even got Norm Mineta to sign a hard copy of the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce story, which takes guts.”

Meeting This League Really Blows owner Dan Klinkhamer was the biggest surprise, Rube said. “Dan’s not nearly the jerkweed (Vice President of Some Things) Pedreogos (Rios) always made him out to be. Sure he’s loud, bumps your arm too much when he talks to you and invades your personal space to make a point, but he’s a lot funnier than Rios made him out to be. I mean, I like the guy. But it’s still fun to be kicking his butt this season.”

Rube and his wife are flying back to Santa Lechuga, CA, this morning, satisfied that the Midwest will continue to provide good competition and good humor for seasons to come.

Dan Klinkhamer and Rube Furrow

The League Braintrust, Pedregoso Rios and Rube

Julie Pankoke, Dan, Aaron Pankoke, Sue Klinkhamer, Pedregoso,
Anna Pankoke, Rube and Kathy Livernois
Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Power Hitting Pitchers| Past Leaders
Pay Already!

Meet The Commish

07/05/11 08:04 AM

The rumors are true. SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow is staking out possible locations for the SLPL Hall-of-Fame in the Midwest. While it seems obvious that the building should be located in the sleepy town of Santa Lechuga, CA, it appears that Rube's staggeringly inept performance as the town's mayor has created a bit of badwill with the citizens and they're looking for ways to banish him -- and anything associated with him -- from the community. That includes banishing all things Santa Lechuga Power League related. That's what brings him to our neck of the woods.

On Wednesday, he's making his way back to the Chicagoland from Cleveland and he's hoping to meet some of the Midwest-contingent of SLPL owners. If you’re in the Midwest, you’re invited to meet the commish at Old Towne Pub in Geneva starting around 7 pm. He has an early flight back to California Thursday morning, so he won't be able to accept more than a few tequila shooters you may offer him, but I know he's eager to put faces to names and to learn exactly why you chose to join his dopey little fantasy league. C'mon out if you can. We'd love to see you.

The $10 Trade Will Soon Go Bye-Bye

07/02/11 08:14 AM

The 2011 All-Star Game is just around the corner, which means the $10 trade will soon go the way of the dinosaur. The last chance to make a $10 trade will be after the July 12th mid-season classic and just before the first pitch of the first game played on July 14th.

Incidentally, The Pot is already quite beefy for this time of the season. With $2,260 already in the coffers, the lowest possible payout to a champ this season will be $100. Sah wheat!

Rube Golfs & Drinks, Skips Cougars; Will See You Next Wed

07/01/11 07:57 AM

Still smarting from being rejected by his father the day before, Commissioner Rube Furrow’s tried to forget a lifetime of emotional pain by playing 72 holes of golf at Settler’s Hill In Geneva yesterday. And, as anyone who has played golf with Rube knows, a hole of golf means you have to drink at least one beer or one tequila shooter. Needless to say, the foursome was so blattoed by the end of the rounds that they had to skip the Kane County Cougars last night. The SLPL Blog is therefore pleased to announce that the official Midwest Reception for Rube will be held on Wednesday, July 6th, at Old Towne Pub in Geneva. Presents are discouraged but tequila shooters are welcome.

Rube Meets Long-Lost Pappy, Says He's Kind Of A Bastard

06/30/11 08:01 AM

Commissioner Rube Furrow’s personal mission came to an end yesterday in Rockford, IL, when he finally met his long-lost dad, Bart “Pappy” Furrow. It wasn’t the tearful reunion he had hoped for, unfortunately, because it turns out that Pappy is kind of a jerkweed. “I think I now know where I get it from,” Rube said. “After he abandoned me 76 years ago and I had to grow up in the Witloof Chicory Boys Home without any family, I thought Pappy would have some remorse ... or, at least be happy to see me. But, no. He looked me up and down, looked me in the eyes, and said, ‘Good. I’m glad I gave you up. Now get out of my life.’”

It's Easy To Love A Woman Who Packs Her Own Beard

06/29/11 07:51 AM

The first full day of Commissioner Rube Furrow stay in Illinois was fairly eventful. After touring Chicago largely by foot, Rube attended a Giants-Cubs game at venerable Wrigley Field. (What the hell does venerable mean, anyway?) Rube sampled the beverages, got to see what peeing in a trough is like, and cheered on his venerated Giants. (What the hell does venerated mean, anyway?) Most importantly, Rube got to spend quality time with his lovely bride of seven months, his ninth wife, Carmen. It’s easy to see why Rube loves Carmen. Not only does she tolerate Rube, but she loves baseball, is passionate about her Giants, and actually packs her own beard to wear just in case the beloved Brian Wilson makes an appearance to close out the game. Which he did last night. I believe we’re all falling in love with Carmen.

Vacation Is Hard Work

06/28/11 07:45 AM

Since beginning his vacation three days ago, SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow has had to move a corpse, pass a full-body cavity search by a massive-fingered TSA agent, withstand the advances of interested wasps and remove a dying toenail from an irate beaver. Now he’s trying to figure out what’s on the agenda for his first full day in Illinois.

Past Champs Lying In The Weeds, Ready To Make Move

06/25/11 09:24 AM

Don’t look now, but some past Overall Champs are positioning themselves to take a run at this year’s championship. Ian Hicks, the 2004 champ and owner of I’m Winning, has moved into 6th place, just 67 points off the pace set by Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho’s. Jim Klinkhamer’s Tres Caballeros, last year’s champs, are 8th place and just 76 points out of first. And two-time champ David “Eddie” Edison’s Cameltowing, Inc., is in 11th place, 119 points out of first. You get the feeling these veterans are lying in the weeds, ready to make a move.

Rube's Coming To The Midwest! Finally!

06/24/11 09:51 AM

For the first time in the league’s 123-year history, Commissioner Rube Furrow is making an appearance in the Midwest. Despite the fact that owners from, or who originated in, the Midwest have won the Overall Championship five out of the past eight seasons, Rube has steadfastly refused to visit the area because he does not know how to find it on a map. In addition, he has repeatedly claimed that Midwesterners are too down-to-earth, too salt-of-the-earth, and just too damn normal to spend time actually interacting with them. He prefers the fruitiness and nuttiness of good ol’ California. But after telling him more about Illinois’ former governors, most of whom are either in prison or making reservations for prison, Rube decided to come grace us with his presence to personally check out Midwestern-style nuttiness. He’s arriving this Monday, June 27, will take off for a Midwestern baseball tour the following Friday, July 1, and will return for one day on July 6 before returning to the West Coast on the 7th.

We want to roll out the red carpet for him and his lovely bride, Esmerelda (or was that Claudia? ... I always get his sixth and seventh wives mixed up). We’re thinking about having a nice reception for him on the night of the 27th at Old Towne Pub, in Geneva, IL. Or, we’ll take him to a Kane County Cougars game on the Thursday, June 30. Or we’ll do Old Town on the evening of July 6th. We’ll let owners know what our final plans are so you can come say hi and officially meet the league’s big guy. Stay tuned.

Pujols Still Out, Thornburg Trash Talks Dan Klinkhamer

06/22/11 07:52 AM

Albert Pujols is still injured, still on the 15-Day DL, and still expected to be out for 4-to-6 weeks. And he continues to contribute to our the Pot. Five more owners dropped him from their rosters ... while our league leaders, Joe Livernois, owner of Moammar Camacho’s, and Dan Klinkhamer, owner of This League Sucks Eggs, have steadfastly refused to drop him thus far. Seems like they are opening themselves up for heartache. That’s all I’m saying.

Speaking of Dan Klinkhamer, Carrboro T-Birds owner Brian Thornburg had this to say when he dropped Pujols:

“I categorically refuse to change my team name based on a shifting perspective of the merits of the league, based on the performance of my beloved 'Birds in competition with the rest of the league. Do the Yankees ever change their pinstripes? No, they do not. Get a grip, Dan.
Uh ... was that a little harsh? Maybe I went too far. Sorry, yust kiddin' Dan.”

For the record, Dan might not actually be the one initiating his constant name changes. It may be, instead, that league officials are changing his team name in anticipation of what we believe he is saying to others about the league at any particular moment. Then again, he may be changing the name himself.

Pujols Goes Down ... The Pot Beefs Up

06/21/11 08:08 AM

Albert Pujols is doing his best to try to help SLPL Owners financially this season by getting himself injured and by going on the disabled list for four-to-six weeks. Of the 46 teams that had Pujols on their rosters, eight dropped him like quick, adding $80 to the Pot. On behalf of the future 2011 champs, thank you Albert!

Incidentally, if you too want to be like the cool kids who are dropping Albert Pujols, use our hand-dandy trading form to submit your trade.

This League Sucks Eggs ... And Josh Walker Is Hitched

06/20/11 09:35 AM

Dan Klinkhamer is back out of in first place, overtaken again by Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho’s, and he has yet again changed his team’s name, this time to This League Sucks Eggs. I saw that one coming.

In unrelated news, former league owner Josh “Scrapes” Walker is all sufficiently hitched up. He married the lovely Alisha Funkhouser in a beautiful ceremony Saturday afternoon in Mahomet, IL. Josh did me the honor of asking me to be his Best Man. I’m proud to say that I rose to the occasion by not getting all dirty drunk and by not horking all over the dance floor. Even a blind squirrel and all that.

Josh Walker, The Current Years: With His Best Man Before the Wedding

Josh Walker, The Current Years: Bubbles!

Josh Walker, The Current Years: The Head Table

Josh Walker, The Current Years: “Pass the Bruschetta”
Standings: At-A-Glance | Overall | Division | Hitting | Pitching | Power Hitting Pitchers| Past Leaders
Pay Already!

This League Rocks ... But This Blog Is Going Dark

06/17/11 06:38 AM

Dan Klinkhamer is back in first place ... and he now apparently thinks this league rocks. Yeah, yeah ... new team name. He’s driving the people responsible for generating souvenirs for his team absolutely nuts. I’m just saying...

In unrelated news, as mentioned last week former league owner Josh “Scrapes” Walker is getting married Saturday, which means the SLPL Blog is going dark until Monday. You can still send trades, which we’ll process retroactively when we get back. But don’t expect that the stats and standings will be updated until then.

T-Birds First Team To Earn Three Free Trades

06/14/11 02:12 PM

Stats and standings are up.

Carrboro T-Birds owner Brian Thornburg became the first owner to make ten trades this season, making him the first owner to earn all three free trades available to owners that make ten paid trades. Brian’s T-Birds, who are in 9th place Overall and in 2nd place in the Swiss Chard Division, can translate those three free trades into up to $75 worth of free trades if he makes those trades in the last month of the season.

Fourteen teams have thus far earned one free trade by making five paid trades. The Pot is currently up to $2,060. If you’re looking to make a trade, be sure to use this form.

Stats Not Available Yet, Rotowire Is On It

06/14/11 10:30 AM

Out stats aren’t yet available based on last night’s action, but we have notified them and received this message:

Thanks for your note. We are aware of the stats issue from last night and are working on the solution this morning. We anticipate updating the system with the correct statistics in the next hour or two at the latest, so look for your standings to be corrected shortly.Thank you for your patience, and have a great rest of the season.

We’ll update things just as soon everything’s up and running.

Camacho's In 1st and This League Blows Again

06/11/11 07:44 AM

Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho’s overtook Dan Klinkhamer’s I Frickin’ Love This League in the Overall Standings after Friday’s action, prompting Dan to once again change his team name, this time to This League Blows Again.

In unrelated news, former league owner Josh “Scrapes” Walker is getting married next Saturday, prompting us to shut down the SLPL Blog for the next day or two so we can give him an appropriate bachelor party, which takes place today. We expect to have the SLPL Blog and all the standings and stats up and running again by Monday, but this will be dependent on the breadth and depth of the resultant hangovers.

Short And Sweet

06/10/11 08:55 AM

ScootTucky owner Scott Allen offered this up as the reason for recently dropping Adam Dunn from his roster:

Adam Dunn has a hole in his bat.

That explains that.

Incidentally, this season’s SLPL owners continue to show a willingness to be competitive by trading. With more than a month still left before the All-Star Break, when trades go up to $15, league owners have already made 40 $10 trades. This despite the fact that there haven’t been any trips to the disabled list by any superstar players since Josh Hamilton went down early in the year. Our Pot already stands at $2,010, every penny of which will be paid out at the end of the season. Keep it up, boys and girls!

Uh Oh

06/07/11 09:08 AM

It looks like Dan Klinkhamer may again have to change his team name soon.

Dan Klinkhamer Changes Team Name Again

06/03/11 08:54 AM

Dan Klinkhamer, who changed his team name ten days ago from “This League Blows” to “This League Is Wonderful! xoxo” after taking over the top spot in the Overall Standings, has once again changed his team name to celebrate his first ten days in first place. His new team name is “I Frickin' Love This League!” Note to the rest of the league: Dan’s getting cocky.

David Adrian's Team Leads PHP Standings

05/26/11 08:40 AM

David Adrian, owner of The Team That Cannot Be Named, took over the top spot in the Power-Hitting Pitchers Standings after Zack Greinke homered last night. Adrian, who is in his second season in the league -- though he inexplicably dropped out of the league last season before rejoining this year -- shocked fellow league owners this year when he named his team one of the most admirably-heinous team names one could imagine. Universal reaction to his team name, which will never be restated on the SLPL Blog, was “Oh, my, that’s heinous. But damned if it isn’t also funnier than hell.” Adrian’s Team is in 39th Overall, last in the Endive Division, 41st in Hitting, and 20th in Pitching. But unless we have missed other pitchers who have hit home runs, Adrian is sitting in first in the Power-Hitting Pitchers Standings, which as of today is slated to scrape $100 out of The Pot.

To remind owners how the Power Hitting Pitchers thingy works: Power-Hitting Pitchers points are awarded to teams whose pitchers perform rare feats opposite their specialty. So, pitchers on your pitching roster are awarded points for hitting a home run.

Points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the Power-Hitting Pitcher Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

Dan Klinkhamer Changes Team Name

05/25/11 07:45 AM

Dan Klinkhamer, the longtime SLPL owner who proclaimed his spite for the league by submitting his roster this season with the name “This League Blows,” announced early this morning that he has officially changed his team’s name to “This League Is Wonderful! xoxo.” Though he didn’t cite the reason for the change, league officials suspect Dan made the move because he moved into 1st place Overall after last night’s action. We’ll see how long this lasts.

Hamilton Back With A Bang; Wells, Johnson Down

05/24/11 09:04 AM

Twenty-seven teams dropped Josh Hamilton after he went down with a fractured small humerus bone on April 12, thereby ensuring that he wouldn’t take up valuable roster space. Only five teams kept him. Those five teams, though, have to be happy that Hamilton finally returned Monday night and immediately hit a home run in his first at bat. Now the 27 teams who dropped him have to consider putting him back on their rosters. And we happen to have a handy form to help you do just that.

Speaking of which, teams with Vernon Wells or Josh Johnson might want to consider dropping these guys ... they’re both on the 15-day DL. Just sayin’.

Sunday Morning WTF?! Let The Tribulations Begin

05/22/11 08:00 AM

They say the Rapture didn’t happen as predicted ... but no one seems to be able to locate Blaming Flips owner Vince Livernois, who as last seen on Rapture Saturday reading a magazine on his porch in Phoenix.

Whiskey! Tango! Foxtrot! Vince?! We Never Thought You Were That Holy!

If anyone has any information about the whereabouts of Vince Livernois, please contact the authorities. And tell him to put some clothes on.

Meanwhile, Detroit Tiger Blood owner Joe Kelley made a trade but asked: “Please only put this trade through if I make it through the Rapture. Thanks.” Joe, you out there? Did you survive the Rapture? Can we process this trade now? I mean, if you’re alive during the tribulations, you’re gonna want Bautista on your roster!

Speaking of tribulations, we always love having a reason to share the music of one of our favorite bands, the now-dufunct LCD Soundsystem. So, enjoy this to kick off your first full day of tribulations:

That Is All

05/20/11 08:53 AM

In Comments under our entry “Killebrew's Cosmic Number Has Come Up,” This Is Gonna Get Uggla owner Sue Klinkhamer asks:

Uh, my original magic number request was 17 ... does that count for anything since that is the exact date of death?

Uh, no.

Killebrew's Cosmic Number Has Come Up

05/17/11 11:47 AM

Hall-of-Famer Harmon Killebrew is dead. From Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer:

“Well, that was quick. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the hospice industry. All I needed was Harmon to just take it easy and eat all the Jell-O he wanted for a few weeks to get near my Magic Number, but “Killer” couldn't even last one week. When I heard the news, I just looked to the sky and gave a Shatner-esque ‘KILLEBREWWWWWWWWWWWW’ yell!”

I’m thinking maybe Kevin doesn’t have a clear understanding of what the hospice industry does (see also: care for the incurably ill), but it’s still a funny line and I understand his sentiment.

Anyway, to recap how death pool points are calculated:

“Points are earned by subtracting the reported age of the dirt-napper at the time of his death (rounded down to the most-recent birthday) from 100 and multiplying the result by 5.”

Here is Killebrew’s Death Pool arithmetic:

100 - 74 (age at death) = 26 * 5 = 130 points

Three teams have Killebrew on their HOF Death Pool rosters -- Kevin’s Dongwhipped, Dan Klinkhamer’s This League Blows, and Sue Klinkhamer’s This Is Gonna Get Uggla -- so all three teams get 130 Death Pool points. Dan, however, had him on the roster twice (thanks to Sue, who picked Dan’s Death Pool roster, and thanks to Kevin, who notified both Dan and Sue that Killebrew was sick before the season began), which means Blows gets another 130 points.

Then there’s the Magic Number:

“The team with the Magic Number closest to the Date-of-Death (DoD) will get an extra 25 points. If that team's Magic Number matches the DoD, the team will instead get 50 extra points.”

With the closest DoD Magic Number, Dan again earns extra points, 25 for each time he had Killebrew on his roster. So, Dan earned 310 total Hall-of-Fame Death Pool points, which naturally puts him at the top of the Death Pool standings.

A couple other reminders about the Death Pool: Once an HOFer has officially become worm food, teams can't replace him on the roster. And, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

Congrats to all the Klinkhamers who had Killebrew, and especially to Dan for taking a commanding Death Pool lead.

POP UPDATE

For the Livernois Clan, here’s the latest news from Richard “Pop” Livernois via an e-mail from his caretaker Lucy, translated using Goggle's language tools interpretation (with a little clean up from me):

hi. just to let you know that there has been improvement with you father. the medications the doctor prescribed are for bedsores due to time spent sitting in the wheelchair. he has a serious infection that the doctor has been treating with antibiotics in previous days. pop had not wanted to eat or drink water and the doctor suggested to hospitalize if there's no improvement. his condition was exacerbated by lack of going to the toilet and all the toxins in his body has weakened him. since yesterday he has made an effort to take water and vegetables after I talked to Joe and after Luz Elena heard what he said to Joe. for now he will take drugs for two days and after thee days of detoxification the relevant blood test will be done to know how he is doing and to identify other problems, including possibly cancer.

So, it sounds as though he is stabilized and getting good care. We’ll know more once he gets he gets his test results.

Jim Klinkhamer's Caballeros Quietly Slip Into 1st

05/17/11 08:40 AM

Getting lost in all the hubbub regarding the health of Guao Wee! owner Richard “Pop” Livernois* was the fact that Jim Klinkhamer’s Tres Caballeros has quietly slipped into first place, the first time this season he’s held the top spot. Last season, Jim’s Caballeros overtook Pop’s Wee!, the Regular Season Champs, to win the Overall Championship.

Meanwhile, we here at the SLPL Blog find ourselves amazed that six teams are within 14 points of the Caballeros. Trailing close behind are Brian Thornburg’s Carrboro T-Birds, Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers, Donald Fukui’s EatUrHrtOutLA, Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho's, Joe Kelly’s Detroit Tiger Blood, and Dan Klinkhamer’s This League Blows. We love seeing things knotted up at the top of the standings!

*Pop Update

Joe “Jay Jay” Livernois (and, yes, if you only know Joe in a professional context you should be addressing him as “Jay Jay” or just “Jay” ... this Joe stuff is just too damn formal to our ears) called down to Leon, Mexico, yesterday and got a good update on Pop, our family and league patriarch. We’d post Jay’s update to us here but we are afraid you might be eating breakfast when you read it. I can share the following without feeling guilty for having made you toss your cookies :

I’m not sure that Pop is necessarily in imminent danger, but it’s not a good situation. The thing is that he is now too weak to do anything at all ... He was so sick the other day that Lucy apparently thought he was dying. The medicines are apparently helping now ... They will be taking Pop to the hospital, probably tomorrow, for blood tests, etc., so we might know more about his condition and prognosis then.”

Thanks to everyone who sent us messages yesterday with such kind words, good thoughts and offers to help. It surely means a lot.

News About Richard "Pop" Livernois

05/16/11 08:48 AM

The man responsible for spawning the founder and the brainiacs behind the Santa Lechuga Power League, Richard “Pop” Livernois, has hit a bit of a rough patch health-wise. According to his caretaker in Leon, Mexico, former league owner Lucy Juarez (via BableFish):

”...Pop is very ill. the doctor has been thinking that he is progressive and perhaps will not recover favorably...”

Pop has been an owner in the SLPL since its inception and was crowned as Regular Season Champ last year. Please keep Pop and all the Livernoises in your thoughts and, if it’s your inclination, your prayers.

In the meantime, despite rumors to the contrary, SLPL officials are not pondering on any Karma that may be resulting from our patented death watch pools. We don’t believe in Karma. So there. We instead recognize that this here thing we call life is made up of all sorts of maddening, fun, saddening, and happy unpredictable events and occurrences that will, unfortunately, eventually and ultimately lead to not-life. This is just one big cosmic roulette table with brutal rules and, hey, when you’re number’s up ... well, you know. But as long as you’re sitting at the table, we figure, you might as well enjoy the sights and sounds, get a lot of free drinks out of the waitresses, and laugh it up with your fellow players all you can, whenever you can, and in whatever way you can, even if the humor is a little dark at times.

Note to Our Relatives: Let me know if you would like Pop’s latest phone number. Daughter Suzie reports that he’s pretty lucid this morning.

Killebrew Cries "Uncle!"

05/14/11 09:02 AM

The whole Hall-of-Fame Death Pool, it can be fun, but it’s not a daily fun. We just don’t give it a lot of thought most of the season since HOFers rarely die. Certainly not often enough. But then, BOOM, out of nowhere and unexpectedly, we here at the SLPL Blog start getting a wave of e-mails that an HOFer is either on his deathbed or has died. And it does our hearts good to know that SLPL owners think of us first when a Hall-of-Famer is, or is about to be, worm food. Really, it just makes us smile and smile and smile.

Anyway, the latest HOFer on the Getting Closer to Room Temperature list is former Twins great Harmon Killebrew, who appears to be cashing in his chips. The first we heard about Killebrew’s ultimate exclamation of “Uncle!” came to us at 10:46 am yesterday via ScootTucky Plow owner Scott Allen, who wrote:

Harmon Killebrew is on his death bed.... at hospice care. Can we get a death watch countdown and who may possibly win?

At 12:43 Kirby Puckett's Good Eye owner Brandon Olivarria checked in with the following:

Harmon Killebrew. Ohhhhh man I know your following this pretty close!

Then, at 1:20, Guzzlyn Suds owner Steve McNelley sent us this:

How does Kevin [Klinkhamer] have Harmon Killebrew...WTF!?

We responded to Steve with the following:

I know, right? Worse than that, no one but Klinkhamer's have him ... and Dan [Klinkhamer] has him TWICE!

To which Steve, at 1:50, sent us the following:

FROM THE DESK OF GUZZLYN SUDS
The Guzzlyn Suds would like to submit a formal request for further inquiry into the health and well-being of Harmon Killebrew and possible foul play from St. Charles' finest. It seems fishy to me that the only owners that have Harmon on their HOF Death Pool Roster are named Klinkhamer. It is obvious that Dan is the leader of this pack because he selected Harmon twice, however he has chosen to keep it in the family (must be a message to Jim and Julie) and allow Kevin and Sue to share in the wealth.
I am sure the Killebrew family has notified the local authorities of the suspicious activity--but as an unsuccessful veteran owner in the SLPL who wishes to uphold the integrity of this league, I demand an investigation before it's too late!
With little pride,
Guzzlyn Suds Ownership

At 2:49, the Klinkhamer matriarch Sue, owner of This Is Gonna Get Uggla, quashed all speculation of wrongdoing with the following:

Hello boys,
I think we were alerted to Killebrew cancer at the time the lineups were due. Kevin mentioned it to me and I put him down and I also made up Dan's HOF lineup. In fac,t I put him in place of Joe Morgan, finally realizing that Joe Morgan was not going to die just because I wanted him to. I didn't think Killebrew would go so fast (and he is not dead ... YET) but everyone knew he had cancer if they would choose to READ A PAPER.
xoxo
Sue

Thanks to all you fine owners who kept us abreast of Killebrew’s impending demise. (Special thanks to Pathetics owner Ray Jasutis for sending us the story link.) We look forward to putting some points on the HOF Death Pool board. And remember, we are your go-to people to notify when you hear that an HOFer is about to kick the bucket!

This League Blows

05/12/11 08:11 AM

Several days ago, we said that Dan Klinkhamer’s This League Blows was a Team to Watch. He was in 10th Overall, 3rd in the Radicchio Division, 10th in Hitting, and 18th in Pitching. Today, Blows is in 4th Overall, 1st in the Radicchio Division, 5th in Hitting, and 19th in Pitching.

We don’t point this out as a sort of “I-told-you-so” --- heck, several of our Teams to Watch are now sucking wind -- but instead to predict that, regardless of this turn of events in the standings, Dan will still maintain that this league, apropos of his team name, does indeed blow. He’s an sumuvabidge like that.

But we still love the guy. He’s one of our longest-time owners, always pays his fees, always buys a round or six of drinks, and is hellishly loyal to friends (if not the league). He’s the guy people talk about when you hear the expression “A friend will help you move, but a real friend will help you move a body.” So, good luck to Dan this season. But do us one favor: If you win the Overall Championship, change your team name next year, okay?

Power Both Ways

05/10/11 08:32 AM

It’s interesting to note that Overall league leader Joe Livernois, owner of Moammar Camacho’s, is only in 5th place in Hitting, 66 points behind Hitting leader Donald Fukui, owner of EatUrHrtOutLA. The difference for Joe is Pitching, which he leads, while Don is sitting in 35th place, 82 points back.

Teams To Watch: Caballeros, Farmers, Blows

05/07/11 08:22 AM

Though a couple have fallen in the standings, most of our previous “Teams to Watch” are still hanging out in the Top 10 of the Overall Standings. Three teams not previously cited have made real headway. Last year’s champ, Jim Klinkhamer, owner of Tres Caballeros, has creeped into 4th place Overall, 2nd in the tough Endive Division, 3rd in Hitting, and 22nd in Pitching.

Paul Martin’s Cabbage Farmers are in 7th Overall, 3rd in the Endive Division, 4th in Hitting, and 31st in Pitching.

Jim’s older brother Dan Klinkhamer, who owns This League Blows, is in 10th Overall, 3rd in the Radicchio Division, 10th in Hitting, and 18th in Pitching.

BRB

05/04/11 05:31 AM

We here at the SLPL blog are heading to the Big Apple for a coupla days. If we don’t have standings and stats updated on Thursday, things should be back to normal by Friday ... or the weekend at the latest.

The Pot, It's A Growin'

04/29/11 09:17 AM

One month of the season is in the books and we here at the Santa Lechuga Power League have a nice little chunk of change set aside for our eventual winners. With 90 total $5 trades -- 40 more than last season! -- the Pot is already up to $1,615, which is just $1,070 less than last year’s total Pot. Eight owners have already earned a free trade by making five trades. Two of our owners, with seven trades made, are just three trades away from earning two more free trades. This is an active ownership group ... and it does the honchos in the league offices proud to see so many folks taking this season so seriously.

As is our practice throughout the season, we have re-allocated some of the monies that would go to the Regular Season Champ and Overall Champ to the other champs. The winnings for Division Champs has jumped from $50 to $75. The winnings for all other champs has jumped from $75 to $100.

Heads up: Trades made today through the end of the All-Star Break will cost you $10.

SLPL News Flash: $5 Trades End When Today's Games Start

04/28/11 08:02 AM

It doesn't seem possible that a month of the season has already passed us, but here it is, the impending doom of the $5 trade. If you're still hanging on to Josh Hamilton, even though he's still gonna be out several weeks, now would be the last chance to offload that knucklehead and replace him for only $5 with a functioning member of an active roster. If you try to trade him or anyone else after the first pitch of the first game played today -- which will be at 12:35 pm Eastern -- the trade will cost you $10. Be sure to use the handy-dandy Trade Submittin' Form to let us know who you want to dump and who you want to add.

Why make a trade? Well, because you have Josh Hamilton. Or, because you regret having chosen the wrong player, as Pathetics owner Ray Jasutis did when he chose Francisco Liriano at the beginning of the season. ( "I made sure Liriano was on my team this time.” ) Or, because your team isn't living up to your team name as per Jeff Burns' Valley Bombers. ( "The bombers aren't bombing, need to add to the arsenal!" ) Or, because you just need to shake things up every now and again.

BTW, the honchos in the league offices are thrilled by the trade activity thus far. Eighty-two trades have already been made. That's 32 more than were made by this time last season. For you Pot watchers, there's already $1575 in the coffers, ready to be distributed to the league champs at the end of these season.

Good luck the rest of the season!

Rube Furrow Speaks: Welcome to the SLPL Season

04/27/11 08:42 AM

I’m late with my traditional “Welcome to the SLPL Season” message, and for that I apologize. Being both the mayor of Santa Lechuga and the commissioner of SLPL can be a challenge, especially at a time when the City of Santa Lechuga is under such financial stress.

As you’ve probably read by now, we had to fire City Manager/Police Chief/Public Works Administrator Espy Espinosa after The Los Angeles Times revealed he was earning an annual salary of $850,000 and the feds showed up at City Hall one morning and hauled him off to jail. Wow! Who knew?

Fortunately, I managed to elude an indictment after the criminal grand jury determined that “Rube Furrow has proven to be so stunningly uninformed about the operations of city government that we are unable to prove that he had any idea that (Espinosa) was robbing Santa Lechuga’s residents blind."

As you can imagine, Espy’s departure left a big void around City Hall. Because he drained city coffers, Santa Lechuga now has an all-volunteer staff. In the last week alone, I was called out to repair the sinkhole in front of Rosie’s Tavern & Hardware Store. I also had to deliver layoff notices to the 16 malcontent teachers at Santa Lechuga Elementary School. And, with Espy gone, I was summoned to investigate the high-profile murder of Horace Spitz, who appeared to have been bludgeoned with a hoe handle (or stabbed to death with sheep shears).

With the murder investigation stymied, I have a few minutes to welcome team ownership groups to another stellar year of SLPL. The season has a lot of promise, especially with our mix of eager new ownership groups and grizzled Santa Lechuga veterans. We are excited by the terrific team names (Brandon Olivarria's Kirby Puckett’s Good Eye, Kathy Livernois' Sons of Pitches, Dan Klinkhamer's This League Blows, Tucker Vasquez's 1 Bad Mother Tucker and Sue Klinkhamer's This is Gonna Get Uggla are particularly good, though David Adrian’s Team Name That Can’t Be Spoken in Polite Company is especially inspired.)

Also, less than a month into the season, Rube is gratified with two mind-boggling developments: 1). Owners have already made trades worth $330! and 2). Rube Furrow is leading the entire damn league, the first time that’s happened in Santa Lechuga hist… Oops. Gotta go. We just got a call at City Hall from someone reporting that the municipal sewage treatment plant broke down. Apparently those things don't run themselves. Who knew?

Trades, Trades, Trades: Avoiding Administrative Control

04/26/11 08:47 AM

Apparently trying to get a jump on the rest of league’s owners, who will no doubt be trying to make some good trades before the cost goes up to $10 pet trade on Thursday, six owners have made 13 trades over the past coupla days. Most active was Brian Thornburg, owner of the Carrboro T-Birds, who made four trades, noting “Wanna be competitive!” Dropping four players on a 15-man roster is a bold move, especially considering his T-Birds are in already in 6th place Overall and 2nd in the Swish Chard Division even with those four players on the team. But you gotta like Brian’s aggressive desire to improve.

Meanwhile, Nate Meyers, owner of the Hand Bananas, and Bart Martin, owner of Ham-n-Jam-n-Spamalot, both made two trades. Nate was mum on why he made his trades, but it’s likely that he wants to improve on being in 40th place Overall and 5th in the Swiss Chard. Bart, meanwhile, is in 24th Overall and 3rd in the Romaine Division. On making the trades, he came up with the “Official Line of the Season Thus Far” when he said, “I feel compelled to make these moves or SLPL may take administrative control of my team.”

Other teams making trades over the past couple days are:

Speaking Frankly, Frank Sumrall
Dongwhipped, Kevin Klinkhamer
Valley Bombers, Jeff Burns
Washington Bullets, Jim Cummings
Full Circuits, Bill Cunning

Remember, $5 trades will be in effect until the first pitch of the first game played on this Thursday.

Moammar Camacho’s Take Over First

04/25/11 08:53 AM

Several days ago we proclaimed Joe Livernois’ Moammar Camacho’s as a team to watch after they had moved into 4th place Overall. Today, the Camacho’s are in 1st, lead the Endive Division, are in 3rd place in Hitting, and are in 2nd in Pitching. We told you you should be watching the Camacho’s!

Several more teams to keep your eye on -- besides Julie Pankoke’s Bauer's Bandits, Joe Kelly’s Detroit Tiger Blood, and Brandon Olivarria’s Kirby Puckett's Good Eye, who have all been in first place at some point this season -- include Donald Fukui’s EatUrHrtOutLA (currently in 5th place), Brian Thornburg’s Carrboro T-Birds (6th place), Brian Martin’s Size Matters Not (7th place) and Susie Rochellle’s The Insiders (8th place).

To make your team one of the teams to watch, remember that $5 trades are still in effect but will go extinct with the first pitch of the first game played on this Thursday. Trades then up to $10. If you haven’t already done so, now would be a good time to drop the dead weight you picked at the beginning of the season and pick up some new hitting and pitching stars.

Thank You, Josh Hamilton!

04/22/11 08:23 AM

Props to Josh Hamilton for going on the disabled list and for generating so many trades this early in the season. Three-plus weeks into the season, 22 owners have dropped Hamilton from their rosters, adding $110 to The Pot. Combined with other trades made, a total of $225 in trades has been adding to The Pot, bringing the total to $1,390. Better than that, there are still six days left to make $5 trades. Trades go up to $10 on the first pitch of the first game played next Thursday, April 28.

Props also to The Team That Shall Not Be Named owner David Adrian, who becomes the first owner to earn a free trade after making five trades. Five more and he gets another two free trades.

Teams To Watch: Camacho's, Spinach

04/21/11 07:44 AM

Don’t look now, but league founder, longtime owner, and league Commissioner Rube Furrow’s alter-ego of Joe Livernois has moved his Moammar Camacho's into 4th place Overall. He leads the Endive Division, is in 8th place in Hitting, and is tied for 1st in Pitching. Meanwhile, longtime owner Jim Johnson has creeped his Bad Spinach into 5th place Overall, 2nd in the Radicchio Division, 5th in Hitting, and 23rd in Pitching.

Cummings' Bullets So Last Year

04/19/11 08:27 AM

We have it on good authority that past-champ Jim Cummings, owner of the Washington Bullets, threw out all his typical pre-season research and just elected to use last season’s roster going into this season. Doesn’t seem to be hurting him much. Though he ended up in 14th place Overall last season, Jim’s Bullets are currently sitting in 3rd place Overall after making only a couple injury-related tweaks to his roster from last season. He currently leads the Romaine Division, is sitting in 6th place in Hitting, and is 2nd in Pitching.

Kelly Back In First; Eye Don't Know What To Say

04/16/11 08:01 AM

Joe Kelly’s Detroit Tiger Blood is back in 1st in the Overall Standings as Brandon Olivarria’s Kirby Puckett's Good Eye dropped to 2nd after last night’s action. Only one point separates the two teams.

I don’t know if you caught yesterday’s update about Brandon’s team name karma, but now we’re getting a little spooked by SLPL leaders and eye injuries. Tip of the ballcap to Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer for pointing us to this photo of Joe, who recently posted the following to Facebook:

Is Brandon’s Team Name Karma Rubbing Off On Joe?

According to Joe, he ran into an elbow and had to get four stitches. It’s not as gaping as Brandon’s gash, but it still doesn’t look pleasant.

All this left-eye injury stuff has us wondering if perhaps Brandon’s eye karma is rubbing off on other league leaders. Just to be safe, Julie Pankoke, owner of Bauer’s Bandits and league leader for the first 13 days of the season, might want to consider picking up a pair of these.

Kelly Drops to 2nd; Olivarria Now In 1st

04/15/11 09:56 AM

That drama we were talking about yesterday? Yeah. That. After holding the top spot for a day, displacing Julie Pankoke’s Bauer’s Bandits, Joe Kelly’s Detroit Tiger Blood dipped to 2nd in the Overall Standings as Brandon Olivarria’s Kirby Puckett's Good Eye jumped to the top of the heap. Here’s how Brandon’s team is producing:

Kirby Puckett’s Good Eye has a pretty balanced team, today 1st in Hitting and 8th in Pitching, but Joe’s only a couple points back.

Meanwhile, I’m Winning owner Ian Hicks, via comments, points league owners to “the riveting three-headed race for the April Pitching Championship. Arguably the most important victory in all of SLPL.” Unfortunately for Ian, his dad Jim Hicks, owner of Not As Lazy As Ian, leapfrogged all three of the heads in that race to take over the top spot in the Pitching Standings after Cliff Lee threw 12 Ks last night. More drama!

UPDATED: On the day Brandon Olivarria took over the top spot (a.k.a., today), he posted the following Facebook profile picture, noting in comments “Bad hop ... Softball. I was playing third. Guy hit a shot. Couldn't even react.” It took 14 stitches to suture this sucker up:

Whose Good Eye? Karma, Anyone?

Not to wish it on anyone, especially such a bitchen and enthusiastic SLPL owner, but am I the only one who, considering Brandon’s team name, isn’t wondering if perhaps a little karma might be in play here?

Julie Pankoke Drops to 2nd; Joe Kelly Takes Over Top Spot

04/14/11 09:02 AM

Amidst even more trading spurned on by Josh Hamilton’s fractured small humerus bone, which isn’t funny at all, Julie Pankoke’s Bauer’s Bandits dropped to 2nd place in the Overall Standings after last night’s action as Joe Kelly’s Detroit Tiger Blood took over the top spot. Julie had been in first since the season began. Neither the Bandits nor the Tiger Blood suffered from Hamilton’s injury, and Julie still rules in Hitting while Joe is in 2nd, but Joe sits in 7th in Pitching while Julie is sitting in 24th and trails him by 22 points. Here is the breakdown of stats for both teams:

Two weeks into the season and already we have a little drama. What teams are going to hold on to Josh Hamilton even though he’s out for the next 6-to-8 weeks? Can Joe hold onto his lead or will Julie reclaim the top spot? What other teams might emerge to offer a challenge? And when will Commissioner Rube Furrow actually get off his butt and send the league his official post-bender Message to the Ownership and State of the League? Stay tuned!

Hamilton Out For 6-8 Weeks; Owners Drop Him Fast

04/13/11 08:27 AM

Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton fractured his small humerus bone yesterday, prompting six league owners to drop him like a bad smoking habit. Though six Santa Lechuga teams have already dropped Hamilton in an effort to avoid having a gaping hole in their rosters for six-to-eight weeks, 27 teams still have him on their rosters. Just saying.

If you want to drop Josh Hamilton or any other players from your team, use this form. Trades go into effect one day after they have been submitted.

Sunday Morning WTF?! What Might Have Been

04/10/11 09:27 AM

Tip of the ballcap to Detroit Tiger Blood owner Joe Kelly, who passed along this bit of news regarding a recent aeronautic incident that could have cost the lives of four St. Louis Cardinals pitchers all at once. WTF?! As Joe said, “I think this is some sort of sign or warning.” But it did get us here at the Santa Lechuga Power League, who run the only known Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool, thinking about what might have been had that incident lead to the death of four pitchers in a single incident.

Our First Thoughts

WTF?! I mean, seriously, WTF?! This is a scenario we had simply never considered. In the past, Cardinals pitchers died one at a time, then the organization ghoulishly paraded the jersey of the most recently killed pitcher around the world until the deceased’s jersey logged more airtime on Fox Sports broadcasts than the actual baseball games they were covering. But if four pitchers went down at once? Schmoly! The Cardinals would have to hire a small army of people to carry four jerseys around to all the ballparks. Fox Sports would have to secure extra cameraman just to give each jersey all the coverage it deserved. Baskets of onions would have to be placed in the booth just to make sure Joe Buck generated the requisite number of tears during each game as the camera slowly panned across the four jerseys in between every pitch of the game. When Fox was covering a game that didn’t include the Cardinals (fat chance, that), it would need to keep breaking in to its current broadcast to give viewers an update on where the jerseys were and where they were hanging. Fox Sports St. Louis would have to create a Fox Sports St. Louis 2, a 24-hour station devoted to broadcasting weepy, maudlin memories of all deceased Cardinals pitchers, with special prime-time reports on the most recently deceased.

Our Second Thoughts

The implications on the SLPL are interesting and confusing to consider. Eighteen teams have one of those pitchers on their Death Watch Pool rosters. Given that all four pitchers would have died at the same time, and given that our rule language says the pot will be awarded to the owner “who identifies the next Creepy Cardinal pitcher to die,” we have to assume we would have to split the $800 across those four pitchers, meaning $200 per pitcher. So, four $200 payouts.

Four teams have Mitchell Boggs, which means that the Magic Number comes into play to break the tie. Since the date of hypothetical death was Thursday the 7th, the Magic Number is 7. Of those four Boggs teams, none had the Magic Number 7, so we have to look at the next closest Magic Number. Susie Rochellle, owner of The Insiders, has the Magic Number 13, the closest Magic Number. Since Susie has participated in the Death Pool in at least two consecutive seasons, she would win the entire $200.

Frank Sumrall’s Speaking Frankly would have won the pot for Ryan Franklin with the Magic Number 8, but since this is the first year his team has been in the league, he would only be eligible to win $100.

Of the five teams with Kyle Loshe, Kevin Klinkhamer’s Dongwhipped, with the Magic Number 5, would have won. By participating each season since the genesis of the Death Watch Pool in 2008, Kevin would have been eligible to win the full $200.

Finally, of the five Trever Miller teams, two -- Tucker Vasquez’s 1 Bad Mother Tucker and Ed Gross’ No Yanks Allowed -- had Magic Number 4, the closest to the date of death, which means they would both win $100.

Each of these teams would be available to collect the relevant “bumps,” though none would have qualified. The first potential bump, $50, has to do with the Magic Number matching the date of death. Since none of the winners had Magic Number 7, no bump.

The second bump, the $25 “Kile Bump,” has to do with the death occurring on the day of a scheduled start, before the game. Since this was presumably an off-day for the Cardinals, no bump.

The final bump, the $100 “You Lucky Sonuvabidge Bump,” has do to with dying on the field of play. Since this was an airplane incident, no bump there.

Our Final Thoughts

This has been an interesting thought experiment. Though I cringe in horror at the thought of four pitchers in their prime of their careers dying in an air disaster, the cringe-factor goes exponential when I think of how the Cardinals would endlessly parade those damn jerseys around and when I think about the potential gloopy and maudlin treatment of those deaths by Fox Sports. We are happy the air incident didn’t lead to the deaths of four pitchers, but we’re sickened by what might have been.

Updated: Standings Not Yet Posted Today; Watch Video

04/09/11 09:03 AM

Our stats provider RotoWire ~~hasn’t yet~~ has now posted standings for games played through yesterday~~six ... we’ll keep our eyes on their site and update the standings as soon as they’re available~~. That means the standings are now up-to-date.

~~In the meantime,~~ While you’re here, check out this video of a gymnast throwing out a first pitch. It is about what you would expect when you ask a gymnast to throw out a first pitch.

Jasutis Sets Off Trading Frenzy [UPDATED]

04/08/11 09:12 AM

It was just a couple days ago that we celebrated Ray Jasutis, owner of The Pathetics, for breaking this season’s trading seal. Since then, four more owners have made ~~six~~ eight trades, dropping the under-performing, the disabled, and the PUREs (Previously Undetected Recruiting Errors).

Kyle Harmon, owner of SLO Town Trolley Dodgers, had made two trades in two days.

Peggy Bocox, owner of Sox In Your Jox, has made one trade, noting as a reason to make the trade that “I was stupid to not include Lincecum in the first place. DOH!”

Aaron Pankoke, longtime owner of The Strokes, made a trade, saying “Can't believe I am making a trade this early. I guess I just want to contribute to the pot.”

And David Adrian, owner of The Team That Shall Not Be Named, made ~~two~~ four trades ~~(though it appears he tried to make four without telling us who he wanted to pick up),~~ explaining the trades -- apropos of his real team name -- by saying “She said no. Trying to get her to say yes!!!!”

We’re not sure what has brought on this spate early-season trading, but we’re certainly happy to see it. And we’re hoping that league owners are inspired by our rule change this season that rewards the first five paid trades with a free trade and the second five paid trades with two more free trades. Keep the trades coming in, guys!

Harmon's SLO Town Trolley Dodgers Getting Greedy

04/07/11 09:02 AM

Kyle Harmon, a league newcomer recruited by Kirby Puckett's Good Eye owner Brandon Oliverria, is getting a little big for his britches ... and just a little greedy. Kyle’s SLO Town Trolley Dodgers are in 12th place Overall and lead the Arugula Division. But that’s apparently not enough for Kyle, so he just made the second league trade of the season by dropping Andre Ethier (0 HRs, 5 Ks) and picking up Nelson Cruz (4 HRs, 5 Ks). Attaboy, Kyle ... that’s the way this game is played. Keep the pressure on the rest of the league.

Meanwhile, league owners should be aware the Rockies pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez (1 K, 2 HRs) has recently been placed on the 15-day DL with a thumb issue. In addition, Evan Longoria (0 HRs, 1 K), Mat Latos (0 K, 0 HRs) and Zack Greinke (0 Ks, 0 HRs) are also on the 15-day DL. Just sayin’.

Jasutis' Pathetics Break Season's Trading Seal

04/06/11 09:24 AM

Less than a week into the season, The Pathetics owner Ray Jasutis yesterday broke the “sanitized for your protection” seal on the season’s trading outhouse by dropping light-hitting Troy Tulowitzki (1 HR, 2 Ks) and picking up ball-crushing Nelson Cruz (4 HRs, 3 Ks). Ray, who last season finished in 5th place Overall and picked up a cool $125 for winning the Power-Hitting Pitchers Championship, is a prolific trader, though last season he didn’t make any of his seven trades until after the All-Star Break, when trades cost $15. We suspect Ray is intrigued by the season’s new trade rules, where owners get a free trade after making the first five trades and get two more free trades after making the second five trades. Or maybe he was just fed up with Tulowitzki’s production. Either way, the league appreciates Ray for breaking the seal.

Need A Post- To Be Post-Bender; Monos Need to Suck Less

04/05/11 08:31 AM

League Commissioner Rube Furrow is back on the bottle again, so we don’t know how long it will be before he releases his annual post-bender Message to the Ownership and State of the League address. I mean, he has to be post-bender before it can be considered a post-bender message, ya know?

Meanwhile, expanding a bit on yesterday’s message about how my Pepino Monos suck ...

League leader Julie Pankoke’s Bauer’s Bandits have more than tripled my points already in the Overall Standings. My Monos are 74 points behind Arugula Division leader Kyle Harmon’s SLO Town Trolley Dodgers. The Monos are in 28th place in the Hitting Standings. They’re in 46th place in the Pitching Standings. To reiterate: My Monos suck. The only way I’m going to win anything this year is if someone pulls a prank like this on me:

Teams That Don't Suck

04/04/11 08:21 AM

The first weekend of the season of the complete and my Pepino Monos, quickly becoming known as the league’s Chicago Cubs, once again suck. Ugh.

Anyway, one team that doesn’t suck is Julie Pankoke’s Bauer’s Bandits, who shared the Overall lead after the first day of the season and has held the spot solo since. She is also leading the Hitting standings. Other teams that don’t suck are Kyle Harmon’s SLO Town Trolley Dodgers, Richard “Pop” Livernois’ Guao Wee!, Frank Sumrall’s Speaking Frankly, Kim and Tom Diehl’s Batavia Hitmen, Brandon Olivarria’s Kirby Puckett's Good Eye, Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes, and Joe Kelly’s Detroit Tiger Blood, who are all leading their respective divisions. Jody Lays’ Lousy Lays are in 34th Overall but are leading the Pitching standings. Interestingly, Kyle, Frank, the Diehls, and Jody are all league newcomers.

I know. I know. Not even a week has passed and we’re already giving props to the leaders. Don’t worry ... we won’t do this often. But when I woke up this morning, I had nothing to write about that didn’t pertain to drinking the hell out of a lot of different beers at Haymarket Pub & Brewery, which I did this weekend, so I decided to keep the focus on the league. Weird, I know, because in past years I would have focused exclusively on the selection of rip-roaring IPAs this new brewery makes (try the Peace Frog American IPA) or the exquisite foodstuffs (the sweet potato tater tots and The Riot pizza are to die for). Doubly weird because usually when my Monos suck I try to create as many diversions as I can so as to not remind others just how my Monos suck. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Must assess situation.

Runnin' Like A Top

04/02/11 07:56 AM

Things here at the SLPL are already running like a top this season. Our mega-killer-spreadsheet-and-webpage-generator is working flawlessly. The stats and standings are posting without issue. And Commissioner Rube Furrow is said to be coming off his annual pre-season month-long bender right on time, which means owners will likely soon be receiving Rube’s annual post-bender Message to the Ownership and State of the League address. We don’t have enough grammarians, translators, or editors on staff to make sure it will be comprehensible, but if it’s anything like past addresses it should at least be entertaining in a “what-the-hell-is-he-try-to-say?” sort of way.

In the meantime, I’m taking a small break. I may or may not post standings tomorrow -- and I may or may not even get the first “Sunday Morning WTF?!” entry of the season posted. I need to decompress a little after getting this league up and running like a top, so I’m headed to Chicago for the weekend for a little R&R. Posting tomorrow’s standings and Sunday Morning WTF?! will be dependent on how thoroughly stuporous I get tonight. Check in anyway ... if I don’t have anything posted, you can spend your time at the site exploring all we have posted here already.

Welcome again one and all to the new season. Now go enjoy the weekend!

And They're Off!

04/01/11 09:32 AM

And just like that, we have converted from “hey, get your rosters in” to “hey, this here season has started”! And what a start it is. We have 48 teams again this year, which makes things mega-easy for us here in the front offices of the SLPL because we can just use last year’s spreadsheet to calculate our standings and stats. Which, by the way, are already posted. See what I mean? That easy.

Mega-props to longtime owner Paul Martin, owner of Cabbage Farmers, who recruited three new owners into the league and thereby earned $5 off his ownership fees and free $5 and $10 trades. Props also to Rube Furrow, Bill Cunning, Sue Klinkhamer, Brandon Oliverria, reigning Overall Champ Jim Klinkhamer and Kathy Livernois for also recruiting new owners. We loves us some fresh blood in the league.

Speaking of fresh blood, a huge shout out to our following new owners, who have taken the bold, brave, blind leap into this bizarro world we call “power league” fantasy baseball:

Frank Sumrall, Speaking Frankly (8)
Josh Livernois (ak.a., Joshua Livingroom), Hecka Rad Unicorns (17), John Escuaga's Frankenstein Mansion, Reno NV
Jody Lay (a.k.a., Jody Raines), Lousy Lays (14), Comiskey Park in SouthSiderVille
Brian Martin (a.k.a., Darth Beano), Size Matters Not (7), Angel Stadium of Anaheim
Kyle Harmon (a.k.a., Cha Cha), SLO Town Trolley Dodgers (23), Mustang Stadium, San Luis Obispo, CA
Kim and Tom Diehl, Batavia Hitman (25)
Bart Martin (a.k.a., Hunky Davenport), Ham-n-Jam-n-Spamalot (28), Limey Park, Camelot (it's only a model)
Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers (25)
Chad Barnes (a.k.a., Bernie Williams), Ksuyankees (13), Yankee Stadium, Bronx, New York

You’ll soon learn we don’t take too much too seriously around here, though we loves us some serious payouts at the end of the season. We’re hoping at least of few of year learn to loves that part, too.

Finally, an even huger shout out to all our returning owners. You all know what a dopey little league this is, you all know what sort of numbskulls run the league, and you know that our reference to “bizarro” above doesn’t begin to explain the half of it, and yet you returned. And we love you for it.

I hope everyone enjoys the season.

P.S. I posted the following to Facebook last night:

Crude

Consider this fair warning to everyone. I will not type the name of the team here ... I feel dirty just thinking about it. To find out what it is, scan the standings, Magic Numbers, or the rosters. When you see it, you won’t be able to un-see it. Then you’ll blanch. Here’s a hint: It has nothing to do with bananas or Kirby Puckett. Here’s another hint: Hand Bananas owner Nate Meyers’ response to my Facebook message is on the right track (though, admittedly, it’s not *that* bad).

SLPL 2011: Opening Day!

03/31/11 08:52 AM

Two games today at 1:05 pm EST kick off baseball's Opening Day, and we here at the Santa Lechuga Power League couldn't be happier. We're three teams away from matching last year's 48 teams and we are looking at the possibility that we will match or even overtake our 2005 and 2006 high of 50 teams. As our past champs will tell you, more teams means more cash to award our winners. If you haven't gotten your roster to us yet, do so by 1:04 EST. You can e-mail me your roster or use our handy-dandy form.

Note to our seven (thus far) new owners: We don't typically flood your e-mail In Box with messages all season. There will be a flurry of e-mails as the season gets underway, then we'll only e-mail you at key times, like trade deadlines, the All Star break, the end-of-season/playoffs, and when Commissioner Rube Furrow comes out of his stupor and wants to make (what he considers to be) an important league announcement.

Opening Day, people! Opening Day!

Pay Already!

Be A New SLPL Owner in Five Easy Steps

03/29/11 08:25 AM

The Santa Lechuga Power League is a campy little fantasy baseball league. It’s no slick-CBS-Sportsline-type league where nobody knows anybody and everybody just wants to end up in the 51st-percentile or above. Instead, the SLPL is made up of family and friends and extended family and friends of Joe and Tony Livernois, who run the thing for their own amusement and for the amusement of said family and friends. And because Jay (as his family knows him) and Tony are simple-minded goofs, they run a simple little league. Homeruns and strikeouts. That’s all we track. Oh, and the deaths of Hall-of-Famers and Creepy Cardinals pitchers. It’s that easy.

If you’re thinking about joining, here are the basic steps you need to complete to become a new owner:

Learn the rules. Abide.
See the payouts. Drool.
Submit a roster. Good luck.
Pay already. Soon.
Contact us. But only with compliments or questions. No whining.

Plan on joining us in 2011, wontchya? And if you’re looking for a little light reading once the season gets start, why not catch up on the History of the SLPL or read up on the evil Bobblehead-of-Lettuce?

Pay Already!

SLPL Video: Death Pools!

03/28/11 08:02 AM

Longtime owner Sue Klinkhamer checks in with Vice President of Something or Other Pedregoso Rios to talk about their inspiration for creating and running the Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool, which is up to $800 this season. They also talk about the league’s other bit of ghoulishness, the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. Longtime league owner Dan Klinkhamer also makes a cameo.

Pay Already!

SLPL Video: Payouts!

03/27/11 08:53 AM

Vice President of Stuff Pedregoso Rios and longtime owner Suzie Rochellle talk about the vast winnings you can scrape off the table of the Santa Lechuga Power League and discuss responsible ways to spend those vast winnings. They deftly avoid a” too soon" joke about Japan and Suzie talks about wanting to beat up Past-Champ David "Eddie" Edison for his Over-the-Line-like team name that Suzie thinks is truly over the line.

Pay Already!

SLPL Video: Trade Changes for 2011

03/26/11 09:02 AM

Vice President of Things Pedregoso Rios and past Overall Champ Vince Livernois talk about new trade rules taking effect for the 2011 season. Vince is consistently one of the most prolific trading owners in the league but his propensity to drop the deadweight from his roster got him into trouble last season. Bad for him but good for us since he proposed some trade changes that have led to the SLPL to offer free trades this season. Check out how in this video.

Pay Already!

SLPL Video: What's New In 2011

03/25/11 08:18 AM

Commissioner Rube Furrow and Vice President of Some Sort Pedregoso Rios describe what's new and different in the SLPL for 2011. Also includes outtakes (starting at 7:16) of Rube proposing a trade rule change for 2012, updating us on the lingering consequences of Espy Espinosa's firing, and singing about the best part of waking up.

Pay Already!

SLPL Video: How to Become An Owner

03/24/11 09:51 AM

Commissioner Rube Furrow and Apparent Vice President Pedregoso Rios talk about what you need to do to become an owner in the Santa Lechuga Power League.

Pay Already!

SLPL Video: All About the Santa Lechuga Power League

03/23/11 07:34 AM

Commissioner Rube Furrow and Vice President of Some Sort Pedregoso Rios welcome potential new owners and give an overview of the Santa Lechuga Power League, the best damn fantasy baseball league in the world (because we said it is). In the outtakes, which begin at 8:03, Rube talks in third person about Rube, then describes his inspiration for starting the league.

Tip of the ballcap to longtime owner Kevin Klinkhamer for inspiring Pedregoso’s bad-a** hat positioning. Word up!

Pay Already!

SLPL Video: In A World Without Decent Fantasy Baseball...

03/19/11 09:02 AM

The 2011 Santa Lechuga Power League is here to fill the world's gaping vacuum known as decent fantasy baseball. If these knuckleheads could just sober up ...

Pay Already!

Bobblin' For The 2011 Season

03/09/11 06:45 PM

Bobble! Bobble!

The Bobblehead-of-Lettuce is already bobblin’ for the new season to begin. New owners can read our rules here, see how we award payouts here, and read our history here. To see last season’s website, go here. For those who are fans of horror, read all about the evil Bobblehead-of-Lettuce here.

We’re really looking forward to the new season!

Pay Already!

SLPL '11

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League in the World (Because We Said It Is!)

Sunday Morning WTF?! What's The Story

Brandon Olivarria Crowned 2011 SLPL Champ!!!

Wow. Just Wow. Times 3.

Fox Sports As Punchline

Thanks, Guys!

Finally

A Real Dark Horse

Kitten Kaboodle: Down Goes Martin! Down Goes Martin!

Where We Stand

Rant Exhaustion? Or Plain Apathy?

This Hit From The Request Line...

This Is The Near-End

We're Back! Now Let The World Series Begin

Blog's Going Dark; Standings Aren't, We Think

We Meant To Say *Six* Teams

Sunday Morning WTF?! Taking Over First

Did We Say *Three* Teams?

Did We Say *Two* Teams?

Down To Two Teams

Is It Just Me...

Now Pay Already!

Cabbage Farmers Not Giving Ground

Well, That Was Anticlimactic

Let The Playoffs Begin!

Paul Martin Crowned 2011 Regular Season Champ!

Regular Season Nearly Complete; Trading Nearly Over

Special Tuesday Morning WTF?! Lead Changes Again

Special Monday Morning WTF?! Six Points…The Other Way

Sunday Morning WTF?! Seven Points...

Stretch Run

Now Would Be A Good Time To Pay

Camacho's Finally Blink, Make "Panic Trade"

Oh, Snap!

Moammar Camacho's Playing With Fire

"Kinda Outta Luck" By Lana Del Rey

The Way It Is Done

We're Back

Sorry To Say, But We're Going Dark For A While

Hola Homestretch $20 Trades!

$15 Trade Is Adios-Worthy

Special Monday Morning WTF?! $15 Trade Nearly Bye-Bye

Ole!

Everything's Up And Running Again

We're Back … But RotoWire Is Down

The Blog Is Going Dark For A Few

Many Thanks

Barbara Jeanne Livernois, 1930-2011

"9 Is This Year's Lucky Number"

We're Back

The League's Going Dark for the Weekend

Dogfight!

T-Birds Bump Camacho's, Take Over First

Ian Hicks' Old-School Mad Crazy Skillz Put Him In Third

We're Back

$15 Trades Begin

$10 Trades End With Today's First Pitch

ScootTucky Plow Crowned 2011 All-Star Champ!

Home Run Derby Nize For 14 Teams

All-Star Break Begins; 125 Clams Up For Grabs

Rube Visits the Midwest Division

Rube Loves The Midwest

Meet The Commish

The $10 Trade Will Soon Go Bye-Bye

Rube Golfs & Drinks, Skips Cougars; Will See You Next Wed

Rube Meets Long-Lost Pappy, Says He's Kind Of A Bastard

It's Easy To Love A Woman Who Packs Her Own Beard

Vacation Is Hard Work

Past Champs Lying In The Weeds, Ready To Make Move

Rube's Coming To The Midwest! Finally!

Pujols Still Out, Thornburg Trash Talks Dan Klinkhamer

Pujols Goes Down ... The Pot Beefs Up

This League Sucks Eggs ... And Josh Walker Is Hitched

This League Rocks ... But This Blog Is Going Dark

T-Birds First Team To Earn Three Free Trades

Stats Not Available Yet, Rotowire Is On It

Camacho's In 1st and This League Blows Again

Short And Sweet

Uh Oh

We Meant To Say Six Teams

Did We Say Three Teams?

Did We Say Two Teams?